feel like crap!

[shorti]

what a day, im so tired, put kids down for a sleep earier 2day lied on sofa watchin jeremy kyle next thing i no i wake and its 5pm! go in to check on girls and they have ransacked their room! found some eyeshadows etc and completely ruined their carpet with it! i tidied their room and its a complete mess again toys everywhere etc. i cant handle it anymore im constantly tidying - house never looking any different got no money, cant go anywhere or afford to buy my youngest daughter a bed shes on a mattress on the floor,which means both girls are up fighting or messing around until 9pm, its messing up their whole routine! they need so many new things that i cant afford dont have any help from their dad, mum has jus offered to go halves with me on a bed from catalogue which helps but i cant help but feel frustrated and angry. i feel guilty but i want my own life back. its selfish i know, but i jus want to be able to do my own thing go out when i want etc, im jealous of the fact that their dad isnt here to help and is probably off doing his own thing that people our age do. im 21 and feel ancient! what to do?!

Oh Shorti, that sounds like crap too! Does their dad ever do anything?
I'm sorry that I can't offer any advice for now, but I know others that have been in a similar situation - young, single parent, bugger all money, etc - and they've got through it. I suppose it just takes time How old are your girls?

he never does anything at all, doesnt even see them! my girls are 3 and nearly 2, its really hard. dont have much support from other family either as they all work etc. my sis helps me with bbysittin but she has now said that she wont do it once week every week im only askin for every thursday as thats when my friends all go out! i dont think thats too much to ask is it?

do they not have contact with their dad?

i was on my own with 2 lo's in my early 20's and i used to get so angry that their father had a life and i didnt when it was his fault we'd split up.

what made things better was having some good friends who were also single parents.we couldnt afford to go out much so we would take the kids to sleep over at each others' houses at the weekends and have a girly night in with cheap wine,dvd etc.it gave me something to look forward to.

do your children go to nursery or anything?do you work?(i mean,outside the home,obviously you work).

sorry,x posts.how come they dont see their dad?

they see him when he can be bothered to call or visit but i would much rather he was either in their lives constantly or not at all, its not fair to keep messing them around like he is, my oldest keeps talking about him and i dont know what to say. she has often told people not to come round as they will get lost like her daddy did. it was his fault we broke up as i couldnt trust him after i found texts from other girls on his fone. i do have friends but most of them have partners so i feel like im gatecrashing if i stayed over and the friends that dont have partners live qute far from me its difficult as i dont drive and to be honest my girls can be quite naughty and rude. i feel like i dont know how to handle them sometimes and really wish their dad was around to help out more. none of his family help either! he said to me not so long ago if me and him werent gettin back together he was not goin to move back so he is putting himself first instead of his children!

have you had any legal advice regarding access?if he's taking the p**s then you should get something sorted out officially,as its not fair on your girls.

are there any sure start groups or anything in your area where you could take them and make some new friends as well?i did a couple of parenting courses when mine were that age and i made some good friends and also discovered that my kids werent as bad as i thought

i havent got any legal advice, tbh i would rather he didnt bother at all, hes useless at keeping to things and if it went through courts he prob still wouldnt bother keeping up with it anyway. we have something called homestart which is where volounteers come round and watch the kids for a bit while i do housework or take them out etc but i dont trust them - sounds funny as they must be trained police checked etc but i dont think i could let a stranger take my kids out or even sit in my house with them i would rather it was family! i was referred to a couple of parenting courses but didnt go as they were for 3months or so and i felt that was too long as im also at college and my oldest goes to playschool 3-5 days a week dependin on how ratty she is! they probably arent really that bad but they do play up for me a lot. when they are at childminders when im in college they are fine, but as soon as i get there they are naughty again!

have you looked on your local freecycle. people on their are always giving away outgrown toddler beds!

can also get toys and clothes and other stuff.

have you tried doing time out? my cousin used to make her ds's go into the toilet and she would hold the door shut for a minute for each year that they were. worked like a treat!

also consequences for their actions so telling them if they keep doing x then y will happen.

children always behave worse for their mothers than anybody else,its a proven fact

i had a homestart volunteer and funily enough i didnt trust her either.i have a community support worker with sure start now,whos been coming to me for 3.5 years,and we get on great and the lo's love her.

if you really dont want your ex to see the children then tell him not to bother anymore,and to take you to court if he doesnt like it.at least that way,if he does take you to court,it will show that he genuinely wants to be a part of their lives.

thanx to both of u, nappyadict - i do use time out, i sit her in the front room away from everything but whenever i get her up and she has said sorry she does it again and again divastrop - i find it hard to let go of their dad aswel i really hope he would change aswell as i really would love for him to be a part of their lives prob due to the fact that my dad was never really around us growing up. we now have a better relationship but it doesnt change the fact i felt i couldnt talk to him when i was younger etc. their dad should know better aswell as his dad wasnt around when he was growing up i jus dont understand it.

if you feel really stressed ring social services - they can get you a support worker to help you.

are you consisten with time out? do you give a warning that if she does it again she will go in time out and then follow it through?

otherwise try the "if you do that again i will take such and such off you" then if they do it again follow through with what you said you would do until you see some good behaviour.

for it to work you do need to be consistent with it though.

i dont know if its a good idea to ring social services,i think its better to seek support from voluntary groups etc first.

i tried for years to get my older childrens father to commit to seeing them on a regular basis cos i thought it was for the best,and as i also grew up without a father,but they are 8.5+9.5 now and they hate him and dont want to see him anymore.better to grow up with no father than with an immature w*er who doesnt give a toss about you for a father IMO.

anyway,you may meet somebody else one day,who gives you the love and respect you deserve and who also loves your kids and will be a dad to them.

i wouldnt ring social services, i would be too scared they would think i was a bad mum n take girls away from me! i think i may jus have a look at what options there are for me and go from there, im not goin to bother with their dad anymore. if he contacts me then he contacts me - i will then tell him he has got 2 choices be in their life or out n if he messes up once thats it!

social services are there to help though if you're feeling depressed. foster care is a slippery route to go down but asking for someone to help you out for a few hours every week isn't going to do any harm.

i have the same attitude to social services as shorti,i would see them as a last resort that you would go to if youre really not coping atall,or if they believe your children are at risk.i think if you just need a bit of extra support its best to stick to sure start or home start.

oh ss is definitely a last resort but if she doesn't trust the sure start/ home start people and she really needs help what else is there?