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40 and I think I'm depressed/ feel trapped

2 replies

Dillydallyontheway · 15/03/2018 20:29

I have recently turned 40 and wondered if I am having some sort of mid-life crisis. I just struggle to see the point in it all/ feel like I've wasted my life. I am married to a great guy who I love very much but we don't have children (wanted them but not an option for us, sadly). I have my own business which is going ok, but I used to really enjoy it, now I find it a struggle to get the work done as I feel a lot of it is boring and repetitive and all enjoyment/ enthusiasm has gone. I also work from home alone which is a godsend for my social anxiety/ medical condition but can be a bit isolating. We don't have much of a social life and tbh even when my husband does suggest something fun I can't be bothered/ it seems far too much effort. I just sit around watching rubbish on TVs instead, which is boring but all I have the energy to do. I don't work that many hours yet the house is always a mess. I have gained a lot of weight and struggle to take care over my personal appearance. One long term contract for work basically provides 90% of my business and also gives a lot of recommendations etc too but the problem is I feel unable to take time off. I am constantly worried about losing the money and them going elsewhere e.g. If I take 2 weeks holiday. On the other hand the work from this contract is boring and tedious but it pays well. I feel trapped by this contract as I really need some time away from the business to straighten my head out but really cannot afford to mess them around. I feel like I have achieved nothing with my life - I am unskilled, will never be a mum, spend much of my time getting angry or crying and struggle to leave the sofa. I don't actually know what I want or how to sort my life out. I don't even know what the point of this post is, other than I am deeply unhappy with my life... on the other hand my lovely husband is happy in his life, career etc (obviously wishes I were happier too), everything seems to be working out for him. How do I begin to get happier/ more motivated and enthusiastic about my life?

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 15/03/2018 20:33

You siund depressed. I’d go and see the GP
Also, do you exercise? That helps me :)

Dillydallyontheway · 15/03/2018 20:57

Thanks, no I don't exercise at all apart from walking the dogs (slow, short walk cos one is elderly with mobility problems). I'm trying to avoid going to the gp as everyone knows me and I just don't want to go and admit my failings (small village set up). I was hoping to sort myself out without pills - tried citalopram in the past and didn't help.

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