Just need to get this off my chest really:
I feel like I'm having the absolute worst week of my life, last Weds my DSF had a heart attack whilst on holiday in Blackpool. He is fine, has already had his stent put in and is adjusting to everything reasonably well. My DB did not take the news well and insisted on driving up (300 miles) to see him. I'm glad we did, though initially I was apprehensive as I'm 35 weeks pregnant and gave birth to my first at 37. My DB was incredibly distressed and didn't feel he was able to drive alone to see DSF with his lack of experience, which is why I needed to go with him. My DH came with us, leaving DD with GPs which helped enormously but it was still a hard slog. When we finally got there at about 4am I discovered I had swollen up like a balloon - I'm high risk because of my weight so this was a concern; fortunately as we were going to a hospital I stopped in maternity and they said all was fine. Haven't been able to get rid of the swelling since but I'm not surprised so close to the end. So this is just the beginning...
The last 2 days I have had to help move my nan into a care home, as her dementia has progressed to the point her usual carers are no longer enough. I have never experienced anything so traumatic in my entire life. My DNan doesn't know she isn't taking care of herself and didn't realise, despite telling her a million times, that she was moving. When we got to the care home she was horrified, scared and belligerent and while normally I can deal with all of this I was just as affected by the place as she was. She clearly has the most capacity in the place, which is saying something, and although the building is clean and well looked after, the rooms aren't tiny and the facility has a very high CQC rating. And yet it terrified me, the smell (incontinence) the distinct abscense of staff, the open doors made me feel like a peeping Tom, a man came by her room while we were there raving and waving cushions - So glad my uncle was there in that instance cos that would have scared her - there's so much I'm worried about in that place and it's really pulling me down.
I feel atm like there isn't an out to this feeling, my head feels so thick and my energy is at an all time low. I have a baby due in as little as 2 weeks and I'm really worried if I can't pull my head out of this rut I'm going to end up with PND...
So if you got this far thanks for reading, I was hoping just getting it down would help but I would still appreciate any comments