Extreme health anxiety

[Supermummy88]

Hi everyone

This is the first time I’m posting on here and don’t know where to start. I’m 30 years old and have a 3 year old son. When I was pregnant with him I was fine and had no anxiety, however when he was born my mother in law totally took over. She didn’t want my mum staying over to help me, she created a lot of problems between me and my husband because she thought I was trying to keep her away from my son and then she stayed with us for 2 weeks. She also tried to stop me from breast feeding and gave my son formula behind my back, and I did fight back but my blood pressure was high so I was doing whatever I could to stay calm and just didn’t have the energy. But my husband took her side over mine and always will. Within the first week I had about 20 different visitors over to see my son and because I didn’t have the backing of my Husband I just went along with it. So within weeks after giving birth I started to develop anxiety and thought I was going to get cancer and die and that my mother in law would take my child. I know it sounds silly, but I had all sorts of silly things going on in my head. I started to check my breasts constantly, kept going to the doctors asking for scans and blood tests. It got so bad that I didn’t want to get out of the house. My mother in law is a big part of our life but tends to constantly interfere and always wants my son to come over to hers, and if I don’t drop him at least twice a week she will start arguments. My anxiety did stop for a while when I went back to work but now it’s come back with a vengeance and I feel that I can’t breathe. It’s been 2 weeks now and I just feel I can’t get any oxygen. And now I’m researching into lung cancer, heart conditions...you name it I’ve got it. I can’t sleep properly at night, I keep thinking my mother in law is going to take my son and that I’m going to die, I keep thinking she is waiting for me to die so she will have him. I know this sounds so over dramatic and silly but I really am in a total state. I haven’t been able to fully enjoy motherhood. I am so frightened all the time. I have finally had the courage to book a doctors appointment and get some help after 3 long years of suffering. Has anyone else been through this and how have you over come it?

Thanks x

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds awful. I haven't been in exactly the same position as you, but I did have serious anxiety after having one of my children, and also have had periods of health anxiety. I also have a controlling mother in law 😕.

It's clear to me that she's bullying you and your stress around this is showing as anxiety - you are scared of her getting total control if you're no longer around which is understandable as she sounds like an unpleasant person. Anxiety is all about 'what ifs' and worrying about the future. My health anxiety has been cancer related too, I became fixated on the thought of leaving my children without a mum. Genuinely though, there is very little chance of anything like this happening although it won't seem like it at the moment.

I think you need to do 3 things.

1. You need to look at what's happening with your husband. Why will he not back you up? He needs to see the situation is making you ill and do something about confronting her about her behaviour. It took a few years for my DH to be properly on my side and realise MIL is a control freak. Standing up to her will not be well received by her if she's as controlling as mine, but I'm afraid somebody needs to do this to get anything to change. She is being a bully and getting away with it.
2. Get some help from the doctor and tell him/her about the situation you're in.
3. Remember that the situation you're in is fuelling your anxiety. You're extremely unlikely to have anything wrong but the anxiety is making you look at the worst case scenario.

I hope you manage to get this sorted out soon xx