Bit of a backstory. I had a complete breakdown about 3 years ago, leading to a very short but traumatising, stay in a MHU.
I have recovered well, have lots of support from Dh and good friends but still not 100% the person I was. I seem to have developed social anxiety but I work hard to overcome this and push myself to still socialise, which I generally enjoy once I get over the build up and anticipation of the event.
When I was very ill, I was open and honest with gps, CMHT, psychiatrists and counsellors. I wanted to get better and I've worked hard.
Since I've been ill, I am prescribed Sertraline for d and a and quetiapine (small dose, initially for anxiety, now for sleep only) I put on 2 stone in about 6 months and I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes. I take Metformin which was initially prescribed to help PCOS. Only Dh knows I have T2 diabetes.
Now, to today, I seem to be in complete denial about my health. I am irresponsible with taking my meds and often don't take them for days at a time. I don't take the quetiapine at all, even though I probably should but I can't face even more weight gain and I don't like the way it makes me feel.
I avoided going on a diabetes awareness course, I haven't booked in foot or eye checks, I need to go for blood tests as they are over due and I am supposed to go for a review at the doctors where they've asked me to book a 40 minute slot. I'm eating all the wrong things.
I am exhausted all the time, I've had a sore left arm for months (like an ache starting in my elbow), I have a sore on my nose which is taking ages to heal and I look like absolute shit - pale, tired, dark circles. I'm also having horrific cold sweats at night.
I can't make myself go to the doctors! I don't understand why. Every time Dh brings it up, I feel so panicked and I can't make myself do it.
What on Earth is the matter with me?? Why can I just go to the GP?
Don't know what I'm asking really but wanted to actually get it out somewhere.