Can't cope any longer.

[user128057]

Have name changed for this but will probably end up being outed anyway.

I can't cope with life anymore. I'm at the stage (again) where I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm suffering with depression and am currently taking antidepressants. They don't seem to be helping anymore and I've ended up using alcohol to help me get through the day.

I don't know what to do anymore or how to cope. I am sick and tired of pretending to everyone that everything is ok when it's really not. Thank you for any replies

Sorry to hear you have having a tough time. Could you go back to your doctor and tell them your current antidepressants are not working for you?
Is there someone in real life that you can speak to about what is happening to you? If you are tired of pretending maybe it will be a relief to stop and talk to someone about it.

Please speak to somebody, you don't need to feel this way. Go back to your gp and be as honest as you have been here. In the meantime you can always ring or email the Samaritans. Please speak to someone and treat yourself kindly. Post more here if it is helping.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Hi, OP,

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone. I'm due to go to the doctors in a couple days. I've tried CBT but didn't find it helpful at all. I don't really have any friends, if I didn't work I wouldn't see anyone tbh.

I bring all this on myself tbh. My depression is caused by me making mistakes. I just want to feel like myself again.

Thank you all for listening

I'm glad you're going to the doctor's again. Try and be honest with them. Maybe write down what you want to say, or show them your op here. I know it can be hard to get help, especially when you're not really in the right frame of mind to push for it, but you deserve help and there will be something there for you I'm sure. You're being really down on yourself and as hard as it can be you need to try and treat yourself with care and respect because everybody owes that to themselves.

I completely understand not having friends to talk to about things. Do you have anyone in your life you'd feel comfortable speaking to? A partner or a relative? Even if you don't, you have mumsnet so please talk away here until you have your gp appointment. And if you're scared to ring the Samaritans, I believe you can contact them by email. That might be easier for you.

I have my mum who I can speak to but I don't want to worry her anymore. When I first ended up in a bad place due to leaving an emotionally abusive relationship everyone was really supportive. As the months have gone on people have drifted away and the odd couple who have stayed in my life just don't seem to care any longer.

There will be people who care. Perhaps they will be people you haven´t seen in a while, perhaps people who you wouldn´t dream of calling on but you will matter much more than you can imagine. People may feel they have less to give at present for all sorts of reasons, and maybe they don´t want to burden you with what they are.

Please call the Samaritans, go to your doctor. There will be a way through.

Would you like to talk about what things you think of as mistakes and why they upset you?

Your depression isn’t really isn’t caused by the mistakes you make. You might make some less than ideal choices, but you can’t blame your depression on this. Self-blame encourages depression, so please try to be even a bit kinder to yourself.

Plus they might not even be mistakes. Depression can narrow your outlook and cause you to be very judgemental of yourself.

I've posted about this loads before but my ex wasn't nice to me. To cut a long story short he was dependent on me to support him financially, had a problem with weed and was very verbally abusive and aggressive. I paid his debts, paid his bills, made sure he was able to eat. I kept a roof over his head and he'd call me a fucking bitch, tell me it was no wonder I couldn't get a boyfriend with the way I went on, that the fucking world didn't revolve around me etc etc.

This went on for years. Everyone told me I could do better than some jobless abusive man who cared more about a bag of weed and his PlayStation than me. I was scared to leave him because unfortunately he had been my whole world for so long and I was frightened of being alone. Eventually I did.

Fast forward to November last year and there was a guy sleeping rough with his dog in my town. They broke my heart so I went and brought some stuff for him and the dog and got talking to him.

We became friends and this is where my problems started again because I've unfortunately developed feelings for him while he has feelings for someone else who he is potentially dating. Every time I see him he always talks about how amazing she is and it just makes me feel shit. Last week I had had a drink and decided to make my feelings known. He said absolutely nothing and we didn't speak for a couple of days.

After I did this I messaged my ex (silly I know) and had a row with him. Again he just made me out to be the bad one.

I just want someone other than my family to love me. Im in a wheelchair which makes things incredibly hard on the dating scene, it also turns me into a paranoid mess because I constantly think they are going to run off and find someone able bodied.

My self esteem and confidence is at rock bottom. I don't even know why I feel like I need to find a man to make me happy and why I just fall for the bad ones

“I don't even know why I feel like I need to find a man to make me happy and why I just fall for the bad ones”
An oldie but a goodie:
(You can get a sample of the e book for free)
www.amazon.co.uk/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much-ebook/dp/B00PM2HWHK/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Thank you I've downloaded a free sample.