PLEASE dont let this be PND

[divastrop]

have been up and down since i had dd3 8 weeks ago,but he last few days ive been feeling more and more down and getting very paranoid about stuff,like dp chatting on the online game he plays(we had loads of rows about it when i was preg and i's got to the stage for the past few months where it wasnt really bothering me,i felt i could trust him not to flirt with women etc),but last night i ended up questioning him about who his emails were from,and i keep thinking he has somebody 'special' that he chats to online.

also,ds1(9) has some behavioural problems(hes been assessed for autism but it was found he doesnt have anything like that and im waiting to see the child psych again to see where we go from here).he had been great for the past 2 or 3 months,trying really hard,but he's going back to his old ways and being violent to his younger brother and sister,and speaking to me like im a piece of s**t.the stress all this causes makes me think that dp is going to get fed up and leave me.

i cant cope with anything atm,some older kids were being nasty to my ds2(nearly 4)in the park and i had a go at them but then i came home and cried cos im such a wimp and am scared of 11 year olds,and i think their mums are going to come up to me at school and have a go at me now.

i'm starting to just want the whole world to go away and leave me alone

Divastrop. Poor you, you're having a tough time of it atm by the sound of things. Have you talked to DH about how you are feeling?

No real advice, but I wanted to bump for you. Hopefully Lulu will be along soon - she's fantastic with PND advice - always sorts me out!

Take care and don't be so tough on yourself, it sounds like you're doing a great job!

Bumping for you, no real advice other than , I think you should go see your gp asap. When it gets to the point where you want the whole world to disappear, I'd take that as a cue to act.

Yep - GP or helpful HV? Homestart are great too!

i saw my gp,she just said to carry on with the prozac im on and has referred me to psychology.i told dp how i was feeling and he said 'oh no'.he just knows it means im going to be a miserable cow and keep going on at him and he will try his best to reassure me etc but it will all get too much for him and he will end up getting p*d off.

i dont want to feel like this,i want to be ok

i dont know how to make it go away.

Try and find a more sympathetic GP, some I've found good, others not so. I have found that as long as I've not hit the bottom but, I'm having trouble getting through the day, I phone the samaritans. I've found talking to someone, who isn't judging me to be, to be hugely comforting. It may be worth giving it a try.

my gp is great but there is a limit to what she can do for me.i am lucky that ive been referred to psychology as their waiting lists were closed for 3 years.i have tried other medications but they either did nothing or made it worse.i have all the support etc thats available to me in this area as well as ive been depressed so many times.

i feel like theres nothing left i can do.

i am wondering now,as i had a mirena coil fitted 4 weeks after having dd3,and i put on loads of weight etc so i had it changed for a copper IUD last monday,im pretty sure im now ovulating,and if thats the case then it could be the start of PMT rather than PND.ive suffered horrendous PMT since having my third child,starting with severe paranoia +mood swings around ovulation then through a range of horrible symptoms till af arrives and i feel human again.its like i have depression for 2 weeks a month.

either way,i cant stand feeling like this.

thanks for all your replies BTW,im sorry im just wallowing in self pity when ive got no reason to be unhappy

Sounds like you've got a lot to be stressed about!

If it is PMT - perhaps it's related to the IUD. Get it checked out. Also ask about treatment for PMT. I had some great treatment which made my life liveable again so it is worth investigating.

You will get through this though, but seek out help and talk (in RL) about it.

i didnt think that the IUD could affect pmt?i also didnt realise there is treatment available for it,i thought that if i went to my gp about it i would just get offered the pill or something which i cant take.

but when i tried to explain to my gp about the depression etc being related to my monthly cycle she didnt really listen(that was back before i had dd2,in 2004)

Diva, when I wewnt to the Docs last week I said to her " I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to be normal" just like you.
All the feelings you have described here I have been feeling. I wanted to pack my bags and leave home as I felt I was such a nasty, miserable cow and such a rotten mother that everyone would be better off without me.

I just felt so out of control and so, so angry. Everytine the kids spoke to me I was furious with them, how awful .

I still feel as if I cannot trust my judgments on anything. I always feel guilty about everything I do, never know whether what I'm doing is ok and most things I do are driven by fear rather than by desire.

It really does sound as if you are depressed. Is it possible for the medication to be changed.

Big (((((((hugs))))))) x

thanks kitty

im reluctant to try different medication,as last time i tried something different it made me 10 times worse.i dont think there are many ad's that i havent tried at some point or another.the only ones that have worked are prozac and seroxat(?)which my gp doesnt prescribe anymore.

i feel guilty all the time also,i think i shouldnt have brought children into the world when i'm so f**d up,and i keep thinking im meant to be feeding the older ones steamed veg and organic meat,and i shouldn't use disposable nappies etc etc and cos i dont do what im meant to then i dont deserve to be a mother

divastrop dont be so hard on yourself. no one a perfect mother. try talking to your gp again, even if you dont need your ad changing you may need them upping. is there apnd support group near you? i went to one and it was fantastic. hang in there

We all do that stuff. No mum is actually that perfect . Go back and ask to see another doctor and start again. Don't take no for an answer.

there is a PND support group here that i went to for 5 years but they wrote me a nasty letter just after my dd2 was born asking me not to bring my ds2 anymore(when he was 2 he was very boisterous and was a bit rough with some of the younger children).i wrote a letter of complaint at the way it had been handled and the replies i got made it clear that it was personal and they didn't want me there(i have since spoken to many other mums who used to go to the group who have said they felt unwelcome or like they didnt fit in).

its the only group in the area.

this is why i feel theres nothing left to try,ive exhausted every avenue.i know that sounds really negative but i cant see it any differently