Wife scared when home alone

[Moybabber]

Hi everybody,
I wondered if anyone could make any suggestions to help. I've recently found out my wife of 10 years is scared when home alone. To give you an idea of our situation we have 2 kids 7 & 9, live in a terraced house in a busy city, have a burglar alarm and whilst our neighbourhood isn't crime free it isn't notoriously bad.
In a typical week i might play squash once or twice and might have a weekend away once every 4-6 months on average.
We've talked about getting a dog, not to help the fear but just because we would like a dog and I'm wondering if I should accelerate this in an attempt to help my wife. Obviously I would like to go out on my own now and again but my priority is making my wife feel more secure. She thinks it's just acceptable to live like it but I think we should try and improve things.
Does anyone think CCTV would help or just give her more of a focal point for the fear?
Has anyone had counselling for similar?
Any help appreciated.
Dan.

does she actually want or like dogs?

What does she want?

I totally disagree. This is abnormalising behaviour that is simply about someone concerned about home and personal security. Many many people are the same. Hence the multi million pound home security industry. I'm baffled by this. Poor woman is concerned about her security and her husband and a bunch of people on the internet label her as having mh issues. Bizarre.

I think it’s normal to be a bit hyper aware when home alone. I know I am.

You mention your weekends away and evenings out etc - does she have equal time like this? If she’s over stressed in general it might be good for her to have more opportunities to relax- if she is very anxious then it might help her.

This is abnormalising behaviour that is simply about someone concerned about home and personal security.

Seriously, it’s not. Not being able to sleep without her husband home, her anxiety meaning he has had to cancel nights away to accommodate it and not being able to walk up your own stairs normally because you are scared of moving between rooms? Not rational, not normal.

How bizarre to characterise it as just ‘concerned about security’.

Fosterdog - you think it's normal that an adult woman is too scared to sleep until her husband comes home, he's had to cancel weekends away because she's too scared to be on her own and she runs upstairs to hide under the covers like a 5 year old?

It's not.

Look, ok, maybe she is at the more extreme end of worried but labelling her as having mh issues is ridiculous. Christ, does everyone have to have a label these days?

The extreme end of worried is anxiety - which is a MH issue. The label is quite useful for accessing help.

I also think it's bizarre that a man comes on here and posts this question in the mental health section. It would never cross my mind to do such a thing. Chat maybe, for advice on what's typical home security measures but mental health? Hhmmm

This is absolutely a mental health issue. It is not normal to have that level of fear and it's debilitating for both of their lives.

What would this woman do if she wasn't married and had to live alone?

Because he knows more than you about mental health obviously Foster.

i think this has gone past normal wobbles.or slightly more wobbles than usual if she is too anxious to the point she is.
where does this come from?did something happen.did it start after an event?
have you talked to her an ask her why shes scared and what of,how it feels.often if its this far it something else it stems from and it associated forever.or its over something she needs to seek help for and I'm thinking taking to someone?even a gp,going to see them first talking through with someone caring but independatn from you both might help her either see she needs more help.see its something silly that a dog might help.or just something the gp can even rationalise for her. but to me even getting a dog might not fix this. it looks to me a fear gone beyond that. but you know her best.
would she be accepting of seeking help?
does she see it as a problem,one she wants to change?

Jack - I'm not professing to be an authority on mh but I can still hold a view about how it appears to me and I stand by what I said. This thread feels like a parallel universe to me.

I'm not normally suspicious but a first time male poster chooses to come on mumsnet and out of all the benign areas he could have posted in, he chooses mental health. The op is going to show this thread to his wife and say, see, I told you you've got mh problems.

Because she has if what he has said is true.

And he posted in MH because it's about MH.

I think you're a bit more suspicious thank you think.

I think it's refreshing to find a husband who's trying to support his wife , not all men are horrible , control freaks trying to get their wives labelled as having mental health issues.

Purple what she'd do if she wasn't married and had to live alone is an interesting question, but I'd lay bets she wouldn't have this problem if she wasn't married. The OP has totally avoided answering questions about whether she ever gets time to herself out of the house the way he does. Having your world reduced to duty without any freedom independence because the kids are always your job isn't mentally healthy, especially when you're in a very asemetric "partnership" in which your husband is free to come and go but you are not.

So much projection on here.

Oh come on Jack hes posting on behalf of his wife, she's not posting herself. People keep asking whether she gets 2 nights a week and 3-4 weekends a year to herself like him but he's not answering. I asked whether she's afraid alone elsewhere, or just in the house, but he won't answer that either.

It's not normal to be that scared home alone (not even alone, with kids), there must be a reason. Either previous experience, like being home during a break in, or high crime area, or something's wrong more generally and massively impacting on her resilience.