From the outside I probably have an amazing life to many - a DP who seems to adore me, I'm young, I'm a SAHM to four DC, we've just bought a house in a lovely village and are just finishing up some building work so make said house even better, I have my own car, we have money for bills and some treats, we are getting married this year...
But the reality is so different. I'm desperately sad almost every day. I have managed to convince myself that the children hate me. I'm NC with my whole family and am so jealous that DP has a family who love him. I'm sure I'm ugly and DP just got with me because he was insecure and wanted a girlfriend.
We look like a loving family but he isn't the father to any of my children. There are two other fathers out there. Father of the 9yo, who started seeing him last year, and only for an hour a week, but yet my eldest thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. Father of my youngest three, who was abusive and who left when I had a newborn baby, two years ago. He doesn't know where I live now and every day I'm terrified he will find us and start court proceedings.
I'm too scared to get married because I have no confidence. Too scared to drive because we were involved in a motorway crash in December. I just feel trapped and want to disappear.