PND or Anxiety or lack of sleep???

[ethelfleda]

I had my first child, a son, 4 months ago.

I don't really know where to start.
I've suffered from anxiety in the past. I seem to get angry at things and I last out at myself. I hit myself around the head and face and sink my teeth in to my hand. I have done this on and off for years. Recently, it's sometimes when sleep deprived in the middle of the night when DS won t sleep. I just feel so angry sometimes and I constantly feel like I am not good enough. Like he would be better off without me.
I am typing this sat in my car after a huge fight with DH. I just felt so angry I had to leave. Parked up and just hit myself over and over and sank my teeth in to my hand as hard as I could. I feel so utterly worthless and useless. I don't know what to do.

That should say lash out

Please go to your GP or health visitor. This sounds like harmful behaviour. It can be so tough with a little one but you don't have to suffer alone.

Babies are exhausting and it’s the first time I can remember when everything was alien and new and I had no idea what to do. Try not to be so hard on yourself, it’s a huge change to your life and a big responsibility having a little totally dependant on you. Can you find a way to get more sleep? Can dh do night feeds at the weekend? Can grandparents give you a weekend off? Can you exercise for the natural endorphins it produces? Speak with a doctor about how your feeling, perhaps you have post natal depression? Be easy on yourself, you’re probably doing an amazing job as a Mum. It’s the most challenging and rewarding job rolled in to one with little recognition and no pay or time off.