Any positive stories or tips re. Altzheimers and vascular dementia diagnosis please

[DaisyEmma]

My Mum recently diagnosed with both. I know it's basically very bad news and I'm trying not to think ahead too much, but any tips or ideas about things people enjoyed, or things I should or shouldn't do would be really appreciated.

I'm guessing it's a case of trying to make the best of each day while trying to keep her feeling safe..? Also really worried about my Dad who seems fairly well health wise currently. My sister and I live half an hour away and we both have young babies/children, but want to support them of course.

Bump

How old is your mum?

3 of my grandparents had dementia - with my grandad it was late 70s but with my 2 nans it was very late 80s.

My grandad & my other nan just became very forgetful - my grandad was like that for over 20 years before he died of heart failure at 89.
My other nan died of pneumonia at 91.

However my favourite nan developed Psychosis with her dementia, had some forgetfulness but it was mainly behavioural changes that were the issue.
Due to the Psychosis she was sectioned last February then sadly died of aspiration pneumonia before she was due to be released last April aged 91.

The main thing to remember is to just behave normally around your mum, there is a lot of info on the internet on dementia eg from Age UK.

No 2 people seem to present the same way.

Sorry meant my grandad had dementia for over 10 years, not 20!

I won't be surprised if I get dementia when I'm old!

My Dad has had Lewy Body dementia for about 3 years. It's momumentally shit, to be honest, but laughter really helps. When he offers you a cup of tea but brings you a raw potato instead, you may as well laugh. Beats despairing, which is the only other option that I can see!

I'm a bit lost with it too, but a couple of pointers (all very personal of course):

1. If your mum talks nonsensically, go along with it. Trying to explain the reality of a situation to someone with their own different, but very convincing, reality is pointless. Unless of course her delusions are going to put her in danger, in which case you can only try your best to convince her.
2. Dementia may well mean that your relationship dissolves somewhat. I can't have a conversation with my Dad any more, he can't hold on to the thread of anything. By the time he's finished a sentence he's forgotten why he started it. His thoughts jump around, and I laugh in a kindly way. It's not the relationship we had.
3. Be prepared for a huge strain on your family. If there's already resentment of any sort in your immediate family, try and get it out in the air now, otherwise it will only get worse. Beware guilt, and be clear with yourself in what you are prepared to handle. Be 'selfish', your primary responsibility is to your self. The internet is awash with people saying what a privilige it is to sacrifice everything to their dying parent. It's OK if you don't want to do this! I certainly don't.

I'm sorry to be so gloomy. This is just my reflection based on recent experiences. Honestly, there's not much that you can say about dementia that's positive. Some situations in life are just really awful. But I do think you've got the right idea - make the most of what you have. And it is true that decline isn't necessarily constant. There will be ups as well as downs.

I'm really sorry OP - I completely missed the point of your question, asking for positive experiences!

This can be a good time for reminisence (which I can't spell). You might find that your Mum is much more lucid talking about the past. You could explore family history with her? With my Dad, family history and gardening engage him in a way which the present moment doesn't.

I'll post any more that I can think of as they come up.

Yes my grandad & nans loved talking about the past especially the war & I used to write down their memories so I wouldn't forget.

In fact many people with dementia remember the distant past really well.