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Original poster

What the hell is wrong with me?

14 replies

Kat7979 · 05/03/2018 14:22

If anyone can help I would be so grateful. I seem to have a reoccurring issue whereby I believe my husband hates me, and so I keep asking him if he wants me to leave. I honestly don't know where it comes from. It may be that he is slightly distant for a couple of days (but he has a really stressful busy job) or it may be that we've had an argument about me doing everything in the house, or sometimes there is no reason. But I get it in my head that he doesn't want to be with me so I start saying I think I should leave and get my own place so that he doesn't have to be around me. He gets really angry about it, which when I think about it logically I can understand as he is just frustrated, but it fuels my idea that he hates me. We have been together 6 years, have a 2 year old and I am 35 weeks pregnant, and I do believe deep down he loves me. But I can't help this constant need for him to reassure me.
I was with someone before him for 8 years who I also did this with, but I actually kept breaking up with him I guess to control the relationship, and only now looking back can I see how much he loved me and I kept pushing him away. I honestly don't know why I do it, but can anyone give me any advice on how to stop or how to feel better? I do think about getting some kind of antidepressants but I want to breast feed so won't be able to take anything.
Thank you...!

OP posts:
Shen0102 · 05/03/2018 14:27

Could be anxiety coupled with self esteem problems. See your doc.

Original poster
Kat7979 · 05/03/2018 15:39

Thank you so much for your reply, but won't the doctor just want to put me on medication? And I am currently pregnant and will then be breastfeeding so I don't think I can take anything?

OP posts:
GnotherGnu · 05/03/2018 15:45

Not necessarily - he may refer you for therapy or counselling.

Original poster
Kat7979 · 05/03/2018 16:04

ok, thank you!

OP posts:
rascallyrascal · 05/03/2018 17:48

Most areas have an antenatal mental health team (not as scary as it sounds!!) who's sole job is to support expecting/ new mums. I was referred and they were lovely! Lots of reassurance. You could ask your midwife if there is something similar in your area. Good luck, it's normal to feel a bit up and down like this, you have lots going on!!

couchparsnip · 05/03/2018 18:34

I also have this OP. I often think DH must hate me because he gets distant and doesn't talk much for a day or so. He has problems with depression and social anxiety so its not his fault. I get very distant myself and we end up having a row where I ask if he wants a divorce and he says no every time. He knows its my anxiety and rationally I can see he must love me to put up with this shit. But when I think he hates me I can't seem to believe that.
Anyway to attempt to stop this I referred myself to our local NHS mental health team (its.called Changing Minds IAPT) and have a phone assessment booked. Perhaps there's something similar where you live, or it.might be national I am not sure. You can self refer and bypass the GP.

Original poster
Kat7979 · 06/03/2018 10:11

Ahh fantastic thanks, I'll definitely ask my midwife and I will look into the local Changing Minds thing - fingers crossed, and thanks, nice to know I'm not the only one who does this!!

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 07/03/2018 00:46

Keep in touch. I bottled my first phone appointment and now need to ring back to remake it. Its also good to know someone else does this!

FFSOMG · 07/03/2018 01:51

There are medications you can take which are safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding

DidoAndHerLament · 07/03/2018 09:05

I think these kind of relationship issues often have their roots in the past, often in ways we're not aware of. But the good news is that once you figure it out, change is definitely possible. A good way to find out is to have some counselling or therapy. You can get referred locally for short-term counselling through your GP, but if you can afford it, I would recommend finding a private therapist because then you can have longer term therapy to get to the bottom of it all.

Good luck Flowers

Masterhasgivendobbyasock · 07/03/2018 09:09

This kind of anxiety is so horrible, I’m sorryFlowers it could be triggered by you feeling much more vulnerable at this late stage in your pregnancy? Definitely look into medication that is safe during breastfeeding talk to antenatal team/GP Smile you’re not alone

Original poster
Kat7979 · 08/03/2018 18:34

Thanks all. Does medication actually help? Would it stop me getting these negative feelings?
Counchparsnip let me know how your phone consultation goes, would be interested to hear if it was any good x

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 09/03/2018 20:47

I will! Its rebooked for next Friday morning. This time I will.actually pick up the phone.

Snowysky20009 · 11/03/2018 18:40

OP just to say that the 'keep breaking up with him' part- I do/have done exactly the same. So you are not alone.

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