Is this depression?

[shouldaknownbetter]

I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past few weeks which seem to have had a major effect on me. First my cousin killed himself, although we were not close and in fact had not seen each other for several years this was a big shock not only to me but to my family.

The funeral was held on the other side of the country about 10 days ago, and so I arranged to go and stay with a friend afterwards as I also had work in that part of the country later in the week. However, this friend ended up being very nasty to me over something trivial, I'm still not sure exactly why, she got irrational after drinking but it ended up with some very nasty screaming in my face on her part ( I did not shout back, I was too shocked) and I left her house rather rapidly to stay in a hotel.

Since then I have had abusive messages and I've told her we are no longer friends and blocked her, but i can't put it out of my mind.. we were good friends before then as far as I was aware! There is no point trying to talk to her as her last message was very nasty and I am afraid of further confrontation. Then another friend got involved, taking her side, and it looks like she's said things about me which aren't true to paint herself in a better light.

Since then I feel like I've gone a bit loopy, I've just wanted to curl up in bed and do nothing. Hour after hour. The snow hasn't helped. I work from home, and it's been quiet, so I don't actually have much I need to do. I have children but they are not tiny so don't need round the clock attention although I'm aware I'm being not there for them emotionally at the moment. I have a DP, he's not ultra supportive but not unsupportive either IYSWIM. He's mainly leaving me to just deal with this.

I just feel grumpy and sad all the time and can't stop eating rubbish. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, speak to anyone. I just feel all heavy and tired and can't-be-botheredy. I'm waking up early, but sleeping in the day. I just don't know how to snap out of it. It feels like nothing matters any more, like there's no joy in my life. And I'm not usually like this.

Is this the start of depression or just a normal reaction to what's happened which I need to let pass? I feel like I should be over it by now, but if anything I'm feeling worse.

The Symptoms certainly resonate with me.As I understand it, there's circumstantial depression which is in response to a logical and quantifiable event or circumstance and there's clinical depression which is there irrespective of what else is going on at the time, even when everything looks fine.
Yours sounds like the former, but is in no way less important or serious.
If it continues, I'd speak to your GP.
Hope you recover soon.

I think it may be the recent events that have made you feel low, not necessarily the onset of depression. A suicide is very hard to make sense of, and is bound to make you feel things are bleak. And its unfortunate that your friend behaved so strangely and unpleasantly, when you were hoping for a pleasant break and a catch up.

Be kind to yourself, maybe think of something nice to do, or do a spot of shopping for a little treat. You've been battered by events, and you might find you feel better just from a bit of time passing.

Thank you for the replies. Two weeks on now and I'm not sure I feel much better, I can only describe it as a sort of heavy feeling in my heart if that makes any sense? I think it's a feeling of being let down/betrayed by people I thought were my friends more than anything and the violence/aggression shown to me which has had a bigger impact than i could anticipate.

I feel a bit stuck in a rut, I don't have the energy/will to go out much so I'm stuck at home doing not very much but ruminating and thinking about the past and how things were before these unfortunate events happened.

I would happily stay at home doing nothing ad infinitum but somehow need to shake this off and get back out there I suppose.

OP I think you are in shock and in mourning for both your cousin and the loss of your friendship. Sudden unexpected situations that life throws at us can have this effect. I suffered a loss to suicide several years ago and it had a profound effect on me and took a long time to come to terms with despite this being someone who I barely knew/ distant family. I’ve recently suffered the double whammy of my mum being diagnosed with a terminal illness and being made redundant from a long term job. It was quite specialised and I’m finding it so difficult to find something other than a minimum wage position now which will leave me with nothing after deducting childcare. I’m feeling like you are, hoping it’ll lift and some days are better than others but it’s always there in the background.

Oh lovey. It's so horrible having any sort of fall-out with a friend, and if it seems like it's rubbing off onto another friendship it can begin to seem global. I've never lost anyone to suicide, but I can imagine that would be dreadful, too. But I think I would find the quarrel with the friends worse, in your situation.
I get horribly depressed and that's how I feel, "like there's no joy in my life." If I have a fall-out with a friend, or feel like I've disgraced myself, then, yes, I feel slow and heavy and can't be bothered.
Only thing I can suggest is - to try to disengage, to make sure you get out of the house and do something fun and see some people every day, and take care of yourself.
xx