CPN appointment cancelled because of the snow

[thatcoldfeeling]

This was supposed to be my first appointment, and I have been really struggling with binge/purging, bloodletting, and generally feeling like I am really losing it.

I can go from happy, content, to suicidal in moments. I am scaring myself with how much it can take over everything.

I am getting into debt binge/purging, and feel really ill. Right now I want to cry. In a moment I may be okay. I bloodlet yesterday to make myself feel nauseous so I wouldn't eat today (and for release and calorie loss and general self harm).

So anyway, appointment cancelled, spoke to her on the phone, rescheduled for 2 weeks time, I went into a teenage style sulk and said nothing when I really wanted to just say no, that this can't be happening, I need someone to do something to stop this all because I can't :(

Oh OP, I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I'm sorry; I don't know what else to suggest, but hopefully a more knowledgeable poster will be along soon. In the meantime, I'm offering a virtual hand-hold.

Is it possible to call them back and tell them you're in crisis and need help today? I understand the weather is a problem, but I wonder if they're just cancelling those appointments they think can wait?

I can't call, the risk that they just say they can;t do anything is too much for me, I just feel like I am constantly asking for help and constantly never getting it, nobody would care if I just died.

Is it possible to call them back and ask for a telephone appointment if they can't actually get to you today. DHs CPN has been happy to do telephone appointments in the past when needed. You definitely need to let them know how bad things are for you at the moment.

Sorry x post is there anyone else who can call on your behalf.

No nobody else who can call or do anything

Have they given you a crisis team number? Sometimes just talking to them on the phone can help too. Or Samaritans 116 123 or email [email protected]

I do have the crisis team number. But DCs home, cant call discreetly, and snowed in.

I feel really weak and pathetic otherwise maybe i would walk down the road to call them. But i just cant. I cant do anything.

Is it possible to sit DC in front of a film and go into another room to call them?

They are teens - one is moping around the house, one is in and out. Either way I can't get away from them to feel safe to call.

Have emailed Samaritans and am now sitting here waiting anxiously for a reply even though I know that they can take hours to reply.

Went out in the snow. Called crisis team several times. No answer.

Called Samaritans. No answer. Got increasingly anxious about not being able to come home and be alright.

Called GP surgery. Spoke with GP. In horrid state by that point. Have just spoken absolute nonsense at her. She called crisis team.

Crisis Team called me and I couldn't answer my stupid phone.

Called them back, finally spoke to someone, only to feel like I was just bollocked for being a rubbish parent.

They are calling me again over the weekend.

I am home now just feeling nothing.

GP and crisis team kept asking me what has happened to make it worse, nothing has happened, this is what totally fucking scares me, I have no reason, I feel totally and utterly mad and can't be trusted with myself :(

Huge hugs

At least crisis team are aware you will need support over the weekend. There doesn't have to be a clear reason for our mental health to play up. Currently I am going through a bad patch with no major reason, just lots of minor stresses.