How do you get help with mental health issues

[Loopdadoop]

I mean proper help. I don't know what I need exactly but I am really struggling to cope with life at the moment. Every day is hard. I cry all the time, I think about death a lot. I don't sleep well, I don't eat enough, I'm smoking loads, my mind is racing or sometimes it seems to stop altogether and I feel numb. I find it hard to go outside sometimes and when I do I never go far from the house.

Over the last few years I have been having sort of like flashbacks of memories that are painful and haunting but I don't even know with certainty that they are real. Sorry, that sounds crazy.

But back to my original question. How do people receive proper help. I've had a number of traumatic events in my life (not involving the flashbacks) which I believe have resulted in me experiencing depression and anxiety as an adult. I have been to the gp a couple of times and been given antidepressants but I have never found any real improvement from these and have stopped taking them altogether now.

I once was advised to call a mental health service in the area who offered a telephone CBT service. However, I did not find this very helpful. Once during these sessions it came up that I had had thoughts of suicide/self harm and the woman seemed completely panicked about it so I ended up saying that I must have ticked that box (it was on an online questionnaire thing we had to fill out) by mistake. She seemed very relieved and quickly moved on.

The truth is I would never commit suicide so maybe I'm not struggling enough to warrant more help. I do think dark thoughts at times, and I used to self harm, but I wouldn't do this now that I have a child to think about. But I still feel that I need something and I really don't know what to do. I want to get back to work one day (currently sahm) but I genuinely don't feel in any fit state to do so.

I don't know what I want or need but I feel like I will be stuck in a miserable state of nothingness forever at this rate. I don't really know where to turn or what to say. Sorry I must sound like a have a huge sense of entitlement, I know that nobody can help me if I don't ask for it, but going to the gp and being given a prescription and sent away just feels kind of rubbish and it's been a good few years of feeling this way. I used to have stretches of being ok, even happy, but these have become fewer and fewer and I really don't know what to do about it.

GP referral to a psychologist for face to face sessions. Ask your GP for a referral or get a second opinion. Anti-depressants only help with some symptoms and then you sometimes need to try a few before figuring out what works best for you.

Thank you miles. I can just go to my gp and ask to be referred? I didn't know this. Thank you.

As miles posted go to your GP and be as honest as you have been here. There is help out there but it can sometimes feel very overwhelming to ask for it when you are feeling rubbish.

Thank you this. I think I have a tendency to underplay things, especially when it involves the GP for some reason. I'm the same with physical illness. I hate going to the doctor's. I always feel like I'm wasting their time. I think it's a self esteem thing.

I think loads of people are the same loop. Sometimes it’s good to write things down so you have an idea of what to say .
It’s all a bit daunting opening up to people.

Depending on your area the wait can be horrendous and the amount of session limited.

Look to see if there are any mental health charity's that run groups. I use one and despite my initial thoughts it's actually quite good in so far as it's a varied group of people with various issues but just talking to others who understand and listen to what others have been through help. It's not a sit in a circle and chat we do arts and crafts, have a meal together so chat is natural and nobody bats an eyelid. When I started I'd walk in, in a total panic attack and couldn't meet anyone's eye and didn't say a word and often just cry. To be told that my actions were totally acceptable and did I want a cup of tea.

It's isn't curing my anxiety and depression and as an agrophobia I get very bad the day before and hide in bed the day after but knowing you're not alone and the acceptance there does help.

In my area it's self referral to talking therapies though I initially went to my GP because I didn't know that. Had an initial telephone appointment within a few weeks to sort out what I actually wanted/needed and then a discussion about how I wanted to access help.

Thank you everyone.

nixnjj that group you described sounds like it would be perfect for me. I'd be terrified about turning up though. Did you just turn up one day? I have a fear about using the phone.

Sorry I know that sounds silly but I have got myself into a bit of a panic about phoning people. I'm well overdue a dentist appointment but can't bring myself to ring and book an appointment.

Sorry was away for a bit loop. Fear of phones is not silly at all, stop beating yourself up.

Go to the GP, start from there and, if necessary, as a friend to call somewhere.

Good luck.

Some charities also offer counseling either at [very] reduced cost according to your income, or free. Which ones are available in your area will vary. [If you happen to be in Edinburgh I can give you a list]. If you can find one of these charities then you can also ask them about others in the area, they tend to all be aware of each other. Your GP may also be able to help with this, mine has a list of the resources in the area.

It is worth looking out for counseling of any/all of the problems you are having, look for anxiety/ depression/ possibly PTSD or trauma? [It may not be relevant because you haven't mentioned it so feel free to ignore it, but there are sometime also services to help people with self harm]

There are sometimes also counseling initiatives available for specific local areas.

If you have any advocacy services in your area they may be able to help with this, there is one near me that operates specifically for people having mental health problems, and my local crisis centre is also able to help people with this. There are also several signposting events that happen once or twice a month. There might be posters up in the local library or on the walls in your GP practice as well.

Your GP should be your contact point. If they are not taking you seriously or not being active in trying to help you get better and doing more than just fobbing you off with some pills without even checking they are working then they are not a good GP and I would really recommend you try a different one. It has also helped me a lot to see the same GP each time, she knows my history and I don't have to stumble through trying to explain it again every time. If that isn't possible or normal in your GP practice I would try a different one. It is going to be needlessly hard on you if you have to try and get this across to a new person every time. GPs are definitely not all created equal. You deserve a good one.

I would also really encourage you to be honest about how bad things are, both with the GP and when you do get to talk to someone. They cannot help you properly if they don't fully understand the situation and how serious it is. You have said that you don't think you would go through with it, but that isn't necessary for this to be a serious problem. You are feeling awful all the time!! that isn't normal, and isn't something you should just be expected to live with all the time.

It is very poor of the CBT that you had that they weren't able to deal with you feeling suicidal. That is a reflection on them. Unfortunatly some times the people that are supposed to be running the services are just not cut out for it in the way they are supposed to be. When something like that happens, or if you are not finding it helpful it is ok to back away from it and look for something else, or to request talking to a different person. They are supposed to be there to help you, and if they are not succeeding in that then they are the ones not succeeding. You have done your part by showing up and talking and trying. It is not your fault if they are not able to deal with that when they are supposed to.

Finally I would really recommend the Samaritans in the meantime. They do not give advice, but you can talk as long as you want to and be as upset as you need to be and they are not judgemental. They are also somewhere you can go in person if you find it easier to talk to someone face to face during the day and they are on the phone in the evening. I think they also do email and text but I haven't used those. [You also do not have to be feeling suicidal to be able to talk to them, any problem you are struggling with is ok. I have never had a problem with them when I did tell them I was suicidal either though, I think they get a lot of training on that, they won't try to talk you out of it, they will just listen and give you space to talk though it]

Sorry this got so long, I just didn't want to miss anything out.

Thank you so much everyone. I really wasn't expecting any response to my post so all this made me cry (doesn't take much tbf).

And rainbow thank you for being so informative. I used to self harm but don't anymore, I am "self-destructive" in some ways. My initial lack of appetite seems to have devolved into me going long periods of time purposely not eating, and I'm smoking far too much. (I know smoking at all is too much but I am smoking more and more). Not actually cutting myself anymore and haven't for a few years, well since getting pregnant and then having my dd.

Miles thank you for understanding about the phone thing. I'm embarrassed to tell people about that one. I don't talk to many people anymore. I just want to get myself into a state where I feel able to return to work. That's my goal. I have a partner but I want to leave and right now I have no way of supporting myself and dd. I have a goal so it's something to aim for but I am finding even normal things so hard. I don't even take her to the park anymore in case someone talks to me. I'm ashamed of what a bad parent I have become.

Loop, something CBT will help you with us challenging why you can’t be kind to yourself. I’m sure you’re doing just fine as a parent, but remember that being kind to yourself will enable you to do even better at everything else in your life.

Miles, I really want to thank you for returning to this thread so many times and everything you've said.

I am beginning to feel a force of energy. Like motivation maybe. I have an idea of what I need to do. Now I just need to start doing it. I really don't feel confident in returning to my gp about this again but I've looked up a private counsellor. It's quite pricey but there is a woman right by house, in walking distance which is great for me. It says I can email her. I don't think I'd be able to afford it long term but I'm thinking one session, to get an idea of what counselling is about and also maybe to get used to talking to somebody face to face.

I think emailing her will be first on my list. Second I will walk to the dentist and get an appointment. I need one so badly and I've been putting it off because I didn't want to phone or do the walk to town. So that's two things I can do I think.

Sorry this started as a post asking how to get help, but really I feel like my whole life is falling apart and I can't do something as basic as get my teeth looked at. I have a million other things I need to do, but I think if I can do just those two things I'll feel like I've achieved something. I've had such a long time of doing nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to be someone who got things done. I want to be that person again. I've got through so much before. I've got through depression and anxiety and I've done it alone. I know I can get over that. It's these weird memories that are bothering me the most. Not knowing if they are real or not makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. They are clear but not full. If it's real I wouldn't do anything, and I suppose it wouldn't change anything. It's not the not knowing and the way they creep up on me. It's about me being abused sorry. If they are real. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't change anything, I'm still me. But if they aren't real then something must be wrong with my head. I don't know. I'm so glad this is anonymous.

Very welcome. Good luck to you. Those two things are big steps when you’re not well so hang onto that.

I hope things go well with the lady nearby but please do consider that you will need longer term support to nibble this.

Have you ever read “depression, curse of the strong” by Tim Cantopher? Even if you only read the first couple of chapters it could be helpful to you.

There are different types of psychotherapy, CBT doesn't work for everyone. I only started to get better after starting private twice a week psychodynamic therapy. A year in I'm not 100% better- I still have up and down days, but it's made a huge difference.

Try to take things slow. I put myself first a lot more than I used to instead of trying to be there for everyone. Do small things that make you feel good. I liked the book "The Little Book of Hygge."

Thank you both for the book recommendations. I haven't read any books about depression or mental illness but I did start doing some googling today. I read a few things about why it's bad to ruminate which I did find helpful, though that doesn't stop the flashback things as those kind of sneak up on me. But dwelling in general is definitely bad.

I will look up both of those suggestions. Thank you.

How are you doing?