Tonight I’m struggling

[Rarity75]

Hi, I’ve been battling depression since 27 but recently I’ve become more aware that I have hyper moments and have had for years.

I’ve relied heavily on alcohol, had sex with people I wouldn’t have ever gone near when ‘normal’, I’ve driven like a boy racer, become excessive over hobbies and spent more than I can afford.

I’m now in an IVA. I’ve had issues with food since childhood, exposure to sexual advances from much older men at the age of 14/15. I now have odd boundaries around men.

I’ve finally been referred to the community mental health team. I am a professional in the public sector and in the last 5 years my mental health has seriously impacted on my attendance at work.

I’m terrified of losing my job. I’m scared of being diagnosed with bpd or bipolar because I don’t know how this will affect me.

Basically I’m crying in my kitchen while DD sleeps upstairs and the Samaritans line is busy so I hoped I’d get some support on here.

Sorry for the long post.

Hi

Not good myself tonight but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.

Thank you Leslie for messaging. It’s good to know we aren’t alone.

I care that you're feeling bad.

Thank you all. I just feel lost and I don’t know what to do with myself. I need to sleep but my brain disagrees.

No idea whether this will help or not but if I can't sleep I sing childhood hymns in my head until I get thoroughly fed up with myself and drift away...

Or I force myself to think of three countries starting with A then B, C etc

Never got past P

I realise these are facile solutions. But they're offered just to get you through this night.

You're not alone. I relate to being afraid of a diagnosis of bpd or bipolar- it's almost like once there's a label on it there's no going back and that's really daunting. Being referred to the community mental health team is a step in the right direction though and you should be proud to have taken steps in recognising your hyper moments and behaviour. For now, just take things one hour at a time, you are not alone

Another one here saying that you're not alone. It's hard and ongoing. Hope you can get some sleep. You have flowers so have some instead!

Thank you all sometimes you just need to know people ‘get it’. And that strangers will reach out and say you are not alone.

I’m going through try the countries idea. Last night was 3am and a mega watch of Netflix. Hopefully tonight might be earlier.

Spoke to CALL as Samaritan’s were busy and they were great. Not crying now. I’m trying to see this as a start to a healthier me. Fingers crossed

Good luck. I’m still awake :(

I’m not working so my sleep pattern is all over the place!

How are you OP?