My life is in pieces

[eve34]

Dp left at the beginning of the year. He treated me badly and was difficult to live with. So why am i in tears every day. Praying he will come back.

I can't see how I can move on. I can't see how I get past this. We have kids I have to see him and have contact with him. But striped it back to the bear minimum. To reduce the impact.

Rational me know this will pass I will look back and know this was right. But right now I want to beg and plead and put things right.

I'm on meds. I start counselling next on Friday. I'm going through the pace but I need this pain to stop. I have felt nothing like it before.

to you. You've had a really tough time, it's totally understandable you feel 'in pieces'. It won't last forever. I promise. And the counselling and the meds will help. Do you have a friend you can talk through how you feel in the meantime?

Thank you blue for taking the time to reply. Yes I have 3 good friends who have been amazing. I really can't turn up again in pieces. I need to work it through myself

I can't imagine a life that he isn't in. But that is my reality now. And I am struggling to except it.

That's totally understandable Eve, you've had a big shock/life change and it's early days. You will get through this though, and you'll look back and think it was for the best, I'm sure of it.
So glad you've got friends you can talk to. Counselling and your mates will get you through this.

Blue you are very kind. It just goes round and round my head.
Why.

The enormity of parenting alone
The days I won't have my children with me
Someone else playing Mum to my kids
The practical things. I don't have a clue.
Him being at every happy occasion birthdays etc. I don't ever want to see him again

And back to why. We weren't happy but we weren't fighting or arguing. We just were in a rut and someone else caught his eye

Weak selfish man. Has put his selfish needs before that of his kids. And me. I wanted the opportunity to put things back on track. Pull things back together but he doesnt so fuck me.

I know it will pass but I have to pay a very high price for this for the rest of my life.

It's only been a short time since the break up. How long were you dating him?

We have been together 14 years. He left back in the summer but came back in October saying he can't imagine us not being together. He soon got past that when someone else was available.

My logical side know this will fade. Because that is what happens. I just never wanted this. And as I said will be paying a very high price moving forward.

Even if/when I meet someone else. I still have to share my kids. And all that entails.

Yes, I understand. Life will definitely be different. It's awful when things change in a way you didn't want them to.