Carnt
We have good and bad times, and the bad times are always when I’m not in a good place and need emotional support from him.
I’ve learnt to get help elsewhere, have a really good friend I can talk to and I’ve had therapy (for stuff unrelated to him)
There have been incidences over which I nearly left him, this was before we knew about Aspergers.
What he said just seemed so cold and calculating, it nearly broke me, when I was already down.
He had no idea I found it hurtful. It was ‘the truth’ for him. It was bloody cruel.
I have to say he really tries to take on board what he has read in the books. It hasn’t occured to him how he comes across.
At first he thought it was all exaggerated, but I could give him so many examples of similar situations that he started to see my side of it.
Also reading about the diagnosis criteria in childhood has been an eye opener. I knew he had a disadvantaged childhood and he and I put a lot of his traits down to that, but after reading about the criteria it seems the circumstances have just meant he was never diagnosed as a child or teen because him being odd was put down to his background. His parents had their own problems and were wrapped up in them.
He told me things about his childhood I never knew (he thought it was normal) and that are heartbreaking. He also never wanted to look back but sometimes it is helpful to understand who we are.
You sound quite frustrated. Is your DP otherwise loving and kind?
I think I can put up with a lot because I know he would never knowingly hurt me.