Dark thoughts

[YourHandInMyHand]

How do you manage dark thoughts. If it weren't for the idea of my partner grieving me I don't think I'd be here. I keep thinking about how much of a struggle I'm under, how it will always be a struggle.

I don't want to scare anyone, I won't do anything. But how do I deal with these horrible dark thoughts? I'd love to think that at some point life will be easy again but right now I can't see it.

I think the key to managing them is talking to professionals about them, whether that’s your GP or mental health professionals, or even the Samaritans (as a stop gap to talking to a professional). It’s not normal to have these thoughts, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

Are you getting any help OP?

I really understand. I describe it as not wanting to die but not really wanting to be alive either.

At the moment for me it’s seeing the doctor and being referred for further help.

Sorry I can’t give you a magic answer but just know others out there have the same thoughts and feelings and you aren’t alone.

I am scared to talk about it with a professional in case they deem me at risk and make referrals or something. ? I have already self referred for talking therapy after speaking to my gp about my anxiety. I am also already on a low dose of AD. I'm coping with a lot of stress and I just want it to stop. It's not that I want to die, more that I can't see how my life is going to drastically improve. The situation causing me stress will be ongoing throughout my lifetime.

I wouldn’t worry about getting referred anywhere- that only tends to happen if you say you have plans/have attempted anything. Your GP might look to increase your medication or see you more frequently. Even if you did get referred onto secondary services, what do you think would happen?

You may not be able to change your situation but you might be able to deal with the stress in a different way. In my experience those kind of thoughts don’t go away on their own (though I’m sure someone will say they do) and even with shit situations you can feel differently about life/ the future.