Anyone know how to help a depressed 17yr old?

[PassTheCherryBrandy]

Hoping some wiser folk than me have some suggestions for my depressed/anxious soon to be 18 yr old. Has struggled throughout secondary school and been treated by CAHMS for past couple of years and on fluoxetine. I got sent a letter last week saying she may have ASD traits and at uni could be looked at for this (am bit irritated that this is after 2 years of seeing her and now too late for any specific school support or assessment ). Now not wanting to return to school in yr 13 after recent half term. She seems so low and is not really caring what will happen. Have suggested not going to uni (as per plan and several offers made), leaving school to repeat year at college, apply to apprenticeships, get job. All rejected and very negative response from her. Am worried that she needs time to recover from being ill but don't know if I'm helping by pushing her to go and do these last few months before a level exams or being massively unhelpful and adding pressure she doesn't need and consequently making her more unwell. Any ideas or experience gladly received as feel
I am just stumbling about in the dark here.

It’s an awful age and an awful time and CAMHS is over stretched and may not have provided the right sort of help anyway . I know many many teens to whom this has happened, from year 12 to first year Uni. And lots at this exact point.

I don’t know if private counselling is an option? Also , ADHD is often a co-morbidity with ASD and round here it’s faster to get a dx for it; if she is ADHD there are anti anxiety and focusing medications, successors to Ritalin in a non technical sense, that can work wonders. Or not.

I think a gap year sounds right. Takes the pressure off while she finds an equilibrium. I’d expect her to work and contribute, but not in a this is the beginning of your career sort of way.

You sound great. Just continue to encourage her to do what she can, point out how great the summer will be after exams, point out that nothing is irreversible, there are no wrong answers at her age, that people who tell her she must do x or y or z are silly, save that gett8ng some qualifications at this point is helpful.

Are there social issues going on? Can you have a long car journey, no eye contact, to open the flood gates? Sometimes it takes 2plus hours, 150 Miles...

Thanks for the reply Orlando. No there's no ADHD and yes I will consider getting her assessed privately (waiting time 18 months here) just so she knows where she stands for any future plans. Yes we do drive and I agree it can be helpful for less pressured discussions. Good to know there's not some magic answer I've missed, it's hard to keep perspective when it plays into all my fears about being a bad mother/feeling massive guilt at having raised an unhappy child.

You’re not alone.. and this point in the academic year is one of those when it all grinds down. The week/night before will be the same.

Just keep reassuring her you love her and you love her as she is, unconditional. She’ll discount it superficially but something will seep in.

Oh, and go and do things together. None of the “would you like to” just state it. Preferably things that give you both fresh air and exercise. You’ll get the “ but I must do my”. Be kind and firm, do local stuff, “ ok, we will go locally to x. It will take 1 Hour. You will be fresher when you return.” Try to put some cake and tea into the slot, because life appears better after it.