crying again.

[SueBaroo]

I hope someone responds to this, I can't think straight today and I need to know there's someone else there. I've been crying since dh left for work, dd3 won't stop whinging at me and refuses to be comforted, ds won't take his bottle. I know dh is going to get home and ask me what I've done today, and I'm dreading saying nothing, again. I just want to curl up in the corner and pretend I'm someone else.

Oh no! poor you!

how old are the children and how long have you felt like this?

Sue that sounds horrible, have you got any friends or family around who can come and keep you company or who you can go and see?

Are your kids very little?

If you've been feeling this way for a while maybe you should go and see the doctor?

Don't worry about saying you've done nothing, it might feel like that, but looking after children is demanding and exhausting and certainly not 'nothing'. I hope you start feeling better soon, but have a rant here if it helps get things off your chest.

Yeah, I posted in the relationship section about things at the moment. I'm just being a selfish bitch right now. I have been to the doctors and got some prozac which just gave me dreadful side-effects, and I can't get out to go again. I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a three month old baby. It's just all a bag of shit at the moment. Dh keeps talking about trying to get back to the 'vision' we had for a family, but I just can't bring myself to be that person anymore.

I'm such a cow, because he stood for a couple of hours ironing last night, and it's taken me all day just to do the washing up. he hates it when I'm on the computer, but I never speak to anyone else apart from the kids. I don't know anyone else, apart from a few people from church, which is miles away, and anyway I don't know any of them well enough to talk about any of this. Besides, I honestly and truly don't believe any of that anymore, so I'm fairly sure their advice would be meaningless to me.

I'd just like to know how I got into this bloody awful state, what the crap possessed me to make so many stupid choices and trap myself like this. I just feel dead inside.

This really does sound like depression - which as you know is an illness, that can be treated but you do need and deserve a bit of help.

Having 4 kids under 6! You have a tiny baby and 3 other kids, god no wonder you feel frazzled. When i had dd2 i only had one other toddler and i felt insane for months! The taking all day to do the washing up can be totally normal when you have a new baby, let alone 3 others to look after. The depressed feelings are something you do need help with though. My dp also had side effects to prozac, but has now found an ad that suits him (citalopram) and it's really helped him - maybe you need to go back to the gp adn explain. Also counsellng or cbt could help.

Have you got a surestart / homestart in your area? they can help by giving you a volunteer to come round and spend time with you either chatting if that's what you need, or giving you a break from the kids, helping out around the house. They also organise trips and events that are all free adn provide transport. You'd qualify with 4 little ones. Your hv could refer you, and may also have some other ideas of things taht might help. maybe you could call and get her to come round and explain how you're feeling?

SB - I could have written this post 12 months ago, and I only had 2 kiddies to look after! Much as we love them, they can just suck the lifeblood out of you, can't they? MN was the only place that I had to talk to people and it was through MN that I managed to move forward out of the fog.

It won't be like this for always. It will get better. Keep on posting. Keep on talking. There are lots of people here who know how you feel and who have managed to get a life back.

Totally agree with Boco about getting back to the Drs for some different ADs, and about contacting Homestart to get you some support. Everyone needs a break, someone to look after the kids in an emergency. I'll google their website for you and hope that you feel able to drop them a line.

link to Homestart