Well, I've gone and taken the first step

[Fedup2]

I've put in a self referral for counselling.

At the minute I just feel as though I'm having a breakdown. Everything is getting on top of me

DH is a prat
Kids are driving me up the wall
Work
Money
House
My weight

I just sit trying to relax and my mind sounds like someone has pressed fast forward and everything is a jumble. I'm now no sleeping and have been having (does anyone suffer that, or have they suffered it?) suicidal thoughts, so I thought I had better do something, dh either doesn't know or doesn't want to understand how I'm feeling. Friends usually say, 'What have you got to be depressed about? you have a hubby that adores you, two beautiful, bright children, a job you love, lovely house etc'.

True, I do have all of this, so why do I feel depressed? I could quite happily turn to drink, but, I've been there before many many years ago and I WON'T go that way again.

Fedup sorry you are feeling sh*te.

You don't have to take your friend's evaluation of your life as read. Clearly you see your dh and kids differently from the way they do- family get to us all in the end! You need to be able to vent and counselling sounds like a really good idea. How old are your kids? Are you isolated at home, or stressed at work?

I've had the suicidal thoughts. Not very recently, but I know how compulsive they can get. Seek help from a GP if they continue/get worse, they are a definite sign of clinical depression.

stupid question whywhywhy, what do you mean isolated at home? work is stressful, but I do enjoy the job and managed to switch off and do the job in hand when it does get v busy.

sorry you thought the question was stupid!
I'm sleep deprived & have PND so may not be very on the ball at the moment but no offence/idiocy was intended. Was only trying to be supportive. Hope your counselling is helpful.

At the end of the day, depression is a chemical imbalance - if that switch is flipped it doesn't matter how rosy your life is, you still feel like shit.

Put it down in writing for your DH - you may feel a fool doing it, but it sinks in more when they can see in front of them how you are feeling. Use the word "depression" too - it is another one that sinks in more.

I think she meant that she didn't understand what you meant so was going to ask you a stupid question as in "what do you mean by isolated"

Hi, Fedup. Sorry to hear your woes. I can't really help you with this, I guess no one can, but I take my hat off to you with regards to the alcohol. You're obviously a very strong woman, and I'm sure that some external counselling with lift some of the shadows that currently surround you.

We have all thought of suicide occasionally, so I wouldn't read too much into that. Sounds to me like you've already started the road to recovery, and good luck to you .

oh god sorry Fedup, my brain is so addled atm, ignore previous post!

I mean to ask what support networks you have in place apart from dh and whether you feel trapped in the house when not at work.

No, no no, don't get offended, I meant to say 'sorry for asking a stupid question, but what do you mean by.............'

I do have a decent network of friends, but don't like to feel as though I'm burdening them with my feelings etc, and, to be honest, I don't think that they would understand too well as none of them have ever suffered depression.

sorry sorry Fedup- I'm in newborn baby fog atm and unable to compute! Better go get some caffeine
btw meant to ask what counselling you're getting- I have found CBT quite helpful with additional use of antidepressants.

most of my friends are the same though I tend to just tell people the truth now when they ask 'how are you'- some people really surprise you with their supportiveness. Others doback off a mile, which can hurt, but have decided my friends need to know what I'm really like. Putting on an act is really tiring eh..

Oh it is tiring, I agree, I don't know what type it is yet, i'll have to wait and see.

Fedup, like has been mentioned, try and find someone who is a CBT therapist - sometimes traditional counselling is not the best for depression, and CBT (cognitive - behavioural therapy) has been shown to be very effective. (Traditional counselling fab for lots of things, but is not always the most effective for depression) I also believe that nutritional therapy is hugely beneficial for depression, so maybe you can check that out while you are waiting for a therapist?? Good luck