My body makes me sick

[UmmLayla2017]

I’m currently two months PP and secretly suffer from depression because of my body. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it but he made it about a religious thing and that I need to pray on it. But how am I meant to pray on physically hating my body. He has never seen me fully naked, arms down by my sides not trying to hide my breast. I die inside at the thought of him seeing my body in the light and truly believe he regrets marrying someone with such a body. I’m so confident when I’m dressed up, but when it comes to sex or even showering? the door is locked or for sex the lights have to be off and I need the covers over me. We’ve had sex in the kitchen once before and I had to pretend to enjoy it whilst praying and dying inside hoping he’ll finish so I can get dressed again. Now that I’ve given birth, I feel uglier than before and truly worthless. My husband is my world but I’ve truly almost accepted the fact that I’m not good enough for him and he’ll divorce me soon enough.
I’m planning on having surgery for breast reduction, lipo, veneers and butt lift. Until I achieve the body I know he’ll want I won’t be happy.
This isn’t normal but my only solution is surgery. Talking to my old school African thinking husband about this only leads to him telling me there’s more to life and to get over it. He will never understand how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep out of pure disgust towards myself.
I hope I can learn to accept myself but even giving birth to my sweet child hasn’t made me think my body becoming worse was worth it.
I’m current 13 stones and size 14. This way of thinking has been with me since I was a kid, I know it stems a lot from my family telling me I’m either too fat or too skinny. Even at 8 stones I thought I was overweight. Now being 13 stones I’m lost.

I can’t bare no more someone please help

Love yourself and your body
Try doing some yoga it's great for the mind
Plenty of apps on line
Please look into it will be a start to try and help

This is far more about your self esteem and self image than your physical body OP, would you consider some therapy before you resort to all that surgery? All of mumsnet could tell you there's nothing wrong with your body but it's what you think that matters and I can't help but think exploring why you feel the way you do is the key to feeling better about yourself, not surgery

Two months? You need to give yourself time for your body to recover! I'm 6 months PP and I've just started to exercise and sort myself out (and I'm nowhere near thinking about sex yet either.) It takes time for everything to settle down after giving birth.

As a PP said, your image of your body sounds much worse than the likely reality of it.

Focus on your baby, focus on looking after yourself. In time try fitting in some yoga, an exercise class, eating better, etc.

I just want to feel that it’s okay to be a bit chubby, I did just give birth after all. I know I need therapy and talk to talk to a doctor about this because it effects my mental health.

How do other mothers try to feel happy within themselves after giving birth. Does this happen quickly or is 6 months still within appropriate time of healing.

Pray on It?

I would be wondering why I was married to a man who rather than talk to me, dismissed my worries like that.

No. Surgery won't be the solution, it won't help - this is a brain issue, sorry.

How soon can you get therapy?

Can you talk to your GP right now about using anti-depressants?

Of course it's ok to not be skinny right after having a baby. Your body has been through a huge amount.

My weight after giving birth was roughly the same but by body shape was vastly different. I'm up a size especially in jeans.

I have days where I'm like 'ugh, gross' when I look in the mirror but then I've always had days like that, as I've never gotten below a size 12 and even then 12 was a squeeze!

It's fine to not feel super sexy also, and to want to do something about it but a ton of surgery seems really extreme.

I didn't feel physically well enough for several weeks to even leave the house but by 6-8 weeks I was out walking when I could but it hasn't been until about 5 months that I felt up to really doing anything serious.

I've joined weight watchers, and I've joined a mum and baby circuits class (not an easy or common thing in most places). I've lost 5lb and feel a bit more positive.

My body will never look like it did before but that's kinda OK with me because I know that it grew my son and I can live with that!

Why do you think it's not ok that your body is different having just given birth OP? Is that idea coming from you or somewhere/someone else?

It comes from a past relationship I was in. I was mentally abused for years. I thought that was love and he would constantly tell me how fat I’ve become and to lose weight. It was only once I left him that I realised I was even being abused. I mean at one point I was a size ten and he told me I needed to lose weight and I did.

I plan on speaking to my GP but the shame I feel inside stops me from opening my mouth and getting the help I need.

My husband isn’t the open and let’s talk type, but he shows me he loves me in many other ways. It’s my insecurities that make me doubt him.

It’s all in my head. Antidepressants scare me in case I become dependent on them. I’m happy the rest of my day, it’s during bed time and showers that I become frantic and over thinking.

I appreciate the support nonetheless

Thank you ladies

Definitely therapy then OP, why should you continue to suffer when it was never you who was the problem, it was your abusive ex. I'm so sorry you went through that and very glad to hear your DH shows he loves you now.

I've used AD's in the past and had no trouble coming off them when I was ready but they're not your only option, I know how scary the prospect of speaking to the GP is but there's no shame in asking for help. Would private therapy be an option for you? Also Relate do sex therapy which I would imagine includes issues with body image, they usually offer reduced fees or a donation system if you're on a low income. We have a couple of local religious charities (you don't have to be religious/the same religion) who offer counselling so it might be worth seeing what you have in your area.

You absolutely deserve to be properly happy and to be free of the damage your abusive ex did though and he doesn't have the right to still be affecting you even now. You were strong enough to get away from him which says a lot about you, don't let him win now by affecting the way you see yourself

Thank you, sincerely! This is the first time in my life I’ve ever kind of ‘openly’ discussed this issue I’ve carried in secret for so many years.

I’m going to pluck up the courage and call my GP tomorrow morning and book an appointment. Hopefully I won’t cry the whole time I’m there and I’ll be able to get words out.

My ex does effect and I’m worried his words will carry on inside my head forever. I’ve truly reached breaking point and that’s why I turned to you ladies on mumsnet.

This is a huge step for me and a positive sign that there is help out there, I just have to be brave now and ask for that help.

X

Aww sometimes it is ok not to be ok
We are allowed, and if you want to cry that's also ok
Glad your going to your GP
Well done and stay strong things will get better 💐

You already are brave, you've said it out loud (virtually at least!) and that first step was probably the hardest. But you did it and (I always find anyway) the fact that the sky didn't fall in should make the next step a little easier.

You could always write it down if you're worried you'll cry and not be able to get it all out when you see the GP, I've done that before Post again when you know when your appointment is if it would help to have some moral support on the day, know we're on the other side of a screen but sometimes it helps just to know someone's thinking about you