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Mental health

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Original poster

what can i do to support my best friend (she has PND)

15 replies

newmumsfriend · 30/04/2007 13:36

hello all
hope you are all doing ok.. i am hoping for some advice.. my best friend had a lovely daughter 3 weeks ago and is suffering from PNd. she has a lovely husband and family and she has been to the doc so is getting help.. but is there anything i can do to support her?
i have no kids of my own so am pretty clueless.. any advice gratefully received xx

thanks

OP posts:

wildwoman · 30/04/2007 13:38

Just make sure she knows you are there for her. PND can be an incredibly lonely experience and it is hard to explain to people how you are feeling as you aren't sure yourself iyswim.

Original poster

newmumsfriend · 30/04/2007 14:07

Thanks i will do it.. I don't want to invite myself round there all the time as she has family etc wanting to see the new baby but i guess even a text each day will let her know I am thinking of her.

cheers for your help and hope you are ok yourself x

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 30/04/2007 14:12

Had pnd and it was indeed very lonely. There were times I would have sold my soul to get out of the house and be me again rather than ds's mother. Could you find a child friendly cafe and agree to go there together once a week?

Alternatively, once family etc have stopped going around, offer to take a picnic lunch around so she doesn't have to cook anything.

Other thing is, I wish I had known about this site at the time.

Great that she is getting help.

Original poster

newmumsfriend · 30/04/2007 14:50

i will do as you suggestt.. great ideas! also i will tell her about this site as i think she has internet at home and will be good once her husband's paternity leave is over x

thanks again

OP posts:

GColdtimer · 30/04/2007 15:08

My friend had PND and as the others said, I just let her know that I was there for her. For my friend, it was really important to know that she could tell me anything without fear of being judged. As a result she talked very openly and honestly about how she felt which helped I think (with her family she felt she had to pretend everything was OK because everyone kept telling her how lucky she was, iyswim).

Lucky she has a friend like you.

ontheslipperyslopeagain · 01/05/2007 08:32

Firstly I think its great that you cae enough to find te best way to help her.

I was "dumped" by a good friend because I was not fun to be around anymore !!!!!!

I have known a few people to have PND and all reacted differently, I have a friend when she is having a bad day likes to be on her own, when I was having a bad day I needed to be around people, even if it was boring things like food shopping, it was good to be out.

Like others have said, you could cook for her, texting is a great way to let her know you care, you could offer to look after daughter and take her for a few walks round the bloke so she can shower in peace, catch 40 winks etc etc.

CatBert · 01/05/2007 08:35

Yep - go round, wait until the baby has been fed, and then stick her in her pram, and take her for a walk and DEMAND that she goes to bed.

OH what I would hav given for this when I had a new baby!

MaryP0p1 · 01/05/2007 08:52

PND is different for everybody so you have to listen to her and whats she feeling, if she will talk to you. I didn't talk to anybody.

I agree sleep helps, also food. Make her snacks, bring her nice little snacks to eat together and take baby away so she can eat in peace (a rarity). Maybe you could babysit so her and husband can go out and feel normal! A new baby does come as a shock to the system.

I know this is all the type of things thats being there requires but if you are a good a friend as you appear to be she will see you are not muscling in but being there for her.

Also I found that after the first visits have passed and the baby is not so new is when the reality of being a mum hits you and the visitors stop!. I think thats when the PND gathers for a numbers of reasons, partly lack of sleep (this increases) the responsibility, the drastic life change and a whole host of other reasons. This is time when she'll really need you. I think to take the baby while she is awake is the better time for her to sleep (she'll get more rest), bring those tasty titbits.

Is she part of a postnatal or mums group of some kind so she can get to make friends. They are a lifesaver.

Sorry gone on but you did ask!

Original poster

newmumsfriend · 01/05/2007 10:20

This is all really great stuff ladies!!
I am going round there tonight and am going to tell her to log on here as everyone is so nice.. !

i don't think she is in any mums groups but i am not sure.. we are in gateshead if anyone knows of any nearby to recommend

i am taking note of all your good advice so thanks very much x

OP posts:

MaryP0p1 · 01/05/2007 10:37

The health visitor will know of all the local groups as will the doctor.

Good luck,

GColdtimer · 01/05/2007 11:58

Good luck nmf, I hadn't noticed that you said you didn't have any children of your own. I didn't either when my friend had PND so I remember how hard it is to know the right thing to do, but it is so lovely for her that you care enough to come on here.

There is a NCT branch in Newcastle and Gateshead. I got this from their website: General enquiries and Antenatal classes Angela on 0870 066 6411. They can be a great source of local support, I have met lots of lovely local friends through the postnatal class I signed up for. Their general website is www.nct.org.uk

Emmymummy · 01/05/2007 12:16

NMF your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you. I would totally agree with what everyone else has said on here - if you can take the baby out for a walk for an hour or so that would really help her. Also, just popping round for a cup of coffee so she has someone to talk to during the day, or if you can take her out anywhere at all, that would also be a great help.

After I had my dd I reclaimed some sanity by ensuring I had plans for each and every day, even if that just meant meeting other mums for a walk / coffee or going out for a walk with the buggy on my own. It's really important that she starts to feel like her old self again, and that she feels she has some time to herself (even if it's just 1/2 hour to paint her toenails or similar!). She needs to be encouraged to get out of the house as sitting around at home is lonely, isolating and depressing.

Could you & she go out for an evening and leave the baby with her DH? That would also give her something to look forward to.

And yes, get her onto Mumsnet - it's a great sounding board for everything, as you are hopefully finding!

Elk · 02/05/2007 21:38

Hi,
I feel like asking you to be my friend as well. I have had PND after two babies now and one of the things that I liked (once my dh went back to work) was having somthing to do on a Friday. I could keep going through the boring, lonely heartbreaking days as long as I had something to look forward to on the Friday.
It sounds mad but it did help me. The other thing that would have helped was a person who would listen to my scary thoughts without judging, but being able to tell that my what I was thinking wasn't normal, but part of the illness and will get better.
(oh and that also not being able to think and articulate your feelings is also part of the illness)

mummytosteven · 02/05/2007 21:42

physically she may still be feeling grim, depending on whether she had a straightforward delivery or not, I know that I felt absolutely dreadful for 6 weeks after, so she may need to take things gently. be as flexible as you can about arranging to meet up - at this stage it is very hard to get out of doors at set times, as baby always seems to need change/feeding etc . Goosey's idea about bringing food etc over is good. If she is near a surestart centre, they often have good support for new mums - groups with creches/change for mum to have a massageetc.

madmarchhare · 02/05/2007 21:43

I do agree with what everyone has said here (and have only read quickly as on my way to bed - so sorry if this has already been said), but, its only 3 weeks on and there is also the possibility that a lot of what she is feeling now, may actually disappear on its own very soon.

YOu sound like a good friend.

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