I’m a bad mother.

[Quotelife191]

I love my son so unbelievably much, more than I thought possible. He’s just turned 5 months old. It’s just for the past month I’ve just felt like the worst mum. My partner works every day 9-5 and then when he gets home my son is getting ready for bed and then goes for 6 so I basically look after him on my on. For the past month, especially today I’ve just felt so defeated and overwhelmed, stressed and just like I really don’t want to do this anymore. I feel like this isn’t what I wanted my life to be like. I’ve frequently just locked myself away in the bathroom and cried, or tried rocking him to sleep whilst I’m crying. I really just can’t do this anymore. It’s heart breaking but I love him so much. I feel like he deserves someone so much better. I really just can’t do this anymore. Yes I have post natal depression and have been going to my gp. Just someone please give me advice on what to do.

First and foremost, it really (really) won’t be like this for ever. I was the same. Nothing I have EVER done has been as tough as looking after a small baby on my own. If you look at how things have been historically (and probs most of the world still today) it has never been the norm to have children and be so alone - the normal way is for you to have extended family/neighbours/community to help out. I used to get to 9am and think ‘what the HELL’ do I do for the rest of the day. If I had my time again, I would do a ‘schedule’, not talking any kind of Gina Ford thing - just a v v rough idea eg 9am nap, 10.-10.30 walk, 10.30-11 laundry, 11 cup of tea. Doesn’t really matter what it is or whether you stick to it and the idea of a schedule might sound a bit trite, but I think it really helps. Who exactly do you think would be better at this than you anyway? we’re all a bit pants (or feel it) at this stage - some of us are just better at admitting it . It’s great you’re getting help, I fibbed my way through the PND scale thing - which was a silly thing to do as I felt pretty desperate.

sorry that was long winded!

I was the same. I went on anti depressants and had counselling. The early days are very hard, but things change so quickly, as they get older there is more to do etc. I went back to work at 6 months and that really helped me ( I don't know if that's an option for you). I think it's such a massive life change it's no wonder so many of us are overwhelmed.
Do you have friends and family you can talk to?

Also, more importantly, you are not a bad mother! You care and you love your baby, that's enough.