I think I've reached my point of no return

[Lettucepray]

As title says really. I'm currently in court case with my ex over contact, he's alcoholic and has bpd so no contact with dd at present but apparently he's fine, no alcoholism or mental health issues 🤔 luckily Cafcass on my side. My dad died in November so still struggling with that obviously. I work and because they have closed one of our two road bridge's for repairs (6 months at least) the traffic is even more horrific. I'm late for work (on bus) and last night I was still on bus far from my destination of picking up dd from after school club for six. Six o'clock I was stuck in traffic 3 miles from dd school. I was 30 mins late , afterschool club not happy (understandably). So as well as being late I'm now also going to have to leave earlier....work not happy. I feel like giving up, it just keeps coming, and I'm at the end of what I can cope with. Currently on mirtazapine for anxiety but I can feel the tell tell signs of full on clinical depression coming on. I also care for my mum with dementia. I have no one to help with dd and school pick up, I am losing and on the verge of full on breakdown.

That all sounds like so much to cope with. Vent away on here if it helps.

Breaking it down, it seems like you need to sort the School issue first. 6 months is a long time to be fretting over the issue. Address it with Work again, explain the situation. Can you do any work from home at all?
With School, is there a neighbour or parent that could help you out for this time?

With your ex-partner, it sounds very rough, complex and emotive. Is there anybody in real life that you can talk to about this? Can you get a referral for Counselling from your GP? Is there somewhere local that you can access counselling from privately? You need support systems around you.

As for your situation in caring for your Mum, are you in contact with social services or a dementia charity? There really should be some sort of provision in your local area?

And just to say that Counselling would also help you address the loss of your Father.

You do have the strength & the robustness to ride this storm, you will get through this.

Good luck, OP.

This is such a lot for you to have on your plate. I have been in similar situations so I can empathise but none quite as bad and not all happening at once.

Are work aware of your MH issues? If not, I think you need to make them aware (as long as you've been there 2 years) so that they can understand the pressure you are under. Negotiate a way round your hours so that you can accommodate the longer commute.

Or could you afford a childminder for 6 months to take your dd after school and look after her until 6.30 so you don't have the stress of the 6pm deadline?

When does your case go to court? It sounds hopeful that it could go your way but I know from experience how stressful it can be.

Do speak to your GP and be honest with friends and try to get any support that's possible.

Thankyou for advice. I can't afford a child minder or find one. When contact was stopped with my ex I tried to find one but couldn't so i changed my hrs at work. No friends or neighbours to help. My mum won't have carers so me and my sister do it but she works away. There really is nothing to be done. I just have to leave work early and hope I don't lose my job. Feel like walking in front of a car, I don't want to die but I need a rest and someone to have to step in. I won't of course cos my children would suffer and probably end up in care but I really want to just walk off that pavement. I must have done something really bad in my past life to have all this to deal with.

Please speak to your GP.

Something has to give. I think you do need outside help with your mum. It's not what she wants and it might make you feel guilty but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Talk to work about leaving early so that you are covered. Come to a formal arrangement so that you don't lose your job. It's completely out of your control and won't last forever. Make them aware of your MH issues as it should give you some protection.

Talk to your sister. Does she have a DH or someone else who can step in?

In times like this everything seems insurmountable but there will be something that can help.

Thanks Jobhuntinghell. Sometimes there is nothing to be done, I've exhausted all options. I cannot tell my GP because I cannot risk my ex finding out because he will use it to prove that I am indeed a 'nutter' and he should get dd. Involving ss would only do the same I fear. My sister doesn't have dp and also struggles with full time work, child and our mum. We did get carers in a couple of yrs ago, she got 15 mins once a day........beyond a joke and even that upset my mum too much which then upset us. I know you're all trying to help but sometimes there is nothing to be done. I HAVE to get on with it, there is simply no other choice. I'll try to access some counselling at least that might help..

How are you feeling today?

I’ve messged you Lettuce.

Not too bad today, been at work so had my 'game face' on. I've decided to get one of those fold up bicycles that I can take on bus in case I get stuck in traffic again, which means I won't have to leave early. I'm in court tomorrow with ex so that is going to be stressful.

Good luck for tomorrow. I hope that helps to resolve things positively on that front for a while and relieve some of the stress once it's over