I don't want to go

[JessieKat]

I have a second meeting with a psychologist tomorrow who is doing an assessment. He is very nice but I'm not that comfortable with men & it's something I would find hard even if it was a woman.

I hate talking about all the reasons why im sat there in the first place, all my issues, mistakes, problems, I feel embarrassed & stupid. Lots of times my mind goes blank & I can't remember certain things because im put on the spot, que me feeling stupid again for going blank. I hate this. I hate the build up to it & hate how awful I feel facing how fucked up I really am.

:(

No replies :(

I think it's a common reaction. I've been seeing my psychologist for 7 months now but I still hate going, I still feel that hot rush of shame for needing to be there and at my last session I only got through reading his letter to the psychiatrist by pretending it was about someone else. The thing is though, if I stopped going, I'd beat myself up for walking away so it's a catch 22, whatever I do until I sort my issues out, is going to hurt, be raw, to reinforce those feelings of weakness, worthlessness and uselessness I have in spades at the moment.

How did today go for you?

If it's an assessment for on-going treatment you could ask for a woman once the assessment is finished if that would easier for you.