Partner depressed?

[Maria124]

Hi everyone
So me and my partner have been together for 7 years which hasn't always been easy he has had problems with drugs in the past and has always lied about money. But these last 6 months have been hell hes been disappearing a lot, coming home drunk, signed upto websites to find local sex, messaging women and just lying all the time. I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore and he's now saying he has got something wrong in his head he feels like he's loosing his min and he needs help.
I'm worried he has depression but do I stay with him after all he has done and can depression make you do these things? Please help I don't know what to do x

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I may sound cruel, and I know first hand that depression is a very serious illness. But they have absolutely no right to be treating you like this because of it.

I would suggest you leave, let them get help, then if they become well enough to not treat you like dirt, then maybe give it another go. If that is what you wish to do.

Thankyou for your reply x

He needs to go and get some help. He may be depressed , he may have other MH and addiction issues but only he can work to make himself better. You need to spend your energy on self care. You have had 7 years of ongoing issues - this is just the latest. You are clearly a very caring and compassionate person but perhaps that means that you have been too understanding about his issues because of your own life experiences. I would explore whether you think you might be codependent. I would advise you try to break free and give yourself space whilst he gets help as cf21 suggested

Thankyou so much for your reply it's so hard we have a little boy together aswell which makes things so much harder x

He's not behaving like a good parent should though - he is not putting your DS's welfare first and foremost. You don't have to make a final once and for all decision about leaving if you are not ready to do that yet.

You could sit down and have a frank talk about how he is letting your son down (and you) and that if he wants to try to save your relationship then he has to seriously commit to working on his issues. You can support him by going along to the GP with him. Did your partner have a traumatic childhood? He really needs to the root cause of why he habitually lies and work on it. If you give ultimatums then be prepared to follow through or he will assume for the future that you are bluffing.

I found the Lundy Bancroft book "Should I stay or should I go?" helpful in working out my boundaries and through my feelings.The depressionFallout messageboard was also useful

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201412/codependent-or-simply-dependent-what-s-the-big-difference

www.shouldistayorshouldigo.net/

www.tapatalk.com/groups/depressionfalloutmessageboard/general-discussion-f1/?sid=00e8a29d61dc40f277386059ee85c638

Thanks no he didn't have traumatic childhood at all his parents are lovely. I think it could be to do with the drugs he was hiding that he had a problem for years but he swears he's not taking them anymore x

Sorry but he sounds like he is being an arsehole. He might have something mentally not right, but he is still being an arse. Tell him to go to the GP if he thinks he's losing his mind.

TBH he's treating you like shit and you need to look after yourself and your little one. I've got recurrent severe depression...and when unwell can't organise a shopping list let alone arrange hook ups for sex. I get the feeling he's using 'losing his mind' as an excuse for abhorrent behaviour. If he was psychotic or manic that would be be different...but the lying makes it sound like he is fully in control of his faculties.

I also can recommend reading 'should I stay or should I go'- you can download it to your phone if you don't want to be seen with a book.

Thanks for your reply I will download it and have a look. I did think he could just be using as an excuse tbh

I have depression. The illness is not an excuse to treat you badly.

Thanks for you reply maybe it isn't depression could be something else or maybe he's just trying to use it has an excuse x

My favourite quote is "we accept the love we think we deserve."

I put up with a relationship that was abusive and went on for much longer than it should have, but he is my never again.

Love is not enough when they don't respect you AND you deserve so much better than this.

Aww thankyou that means a lot x