i am a lonely mum feeling very low atm

[iamalonelymum]

i am feeling very low atm, i think its called depression.
i am single mum to a 6 yr old ds.
we had a very rough past including his fathers dv.
i once had a good career, now its gone out the roof.
my family is far away, and not much help anyway. i feel they avoiding inviting us for 1-2 weeks which could be a good break for me, because i am always with ds, noone else other than me looked after him.
we living like isolated.
he caused some probs at school and i feel i am always the talk of a few parents there.
he is lovely but difficult. everyday i warn him of to stay away from the children he is causing troubles with, but he just doesnt care. this weekend i banned him from watching tv, he nearly caused a serious accident at school.
he is picky at eating, yesterday i planned to take him somewhere nice, i prepared some sandwiches, he refused, i didnt have anything else, remembering his previous tantrums in public i couldnt take him out.
now we are having a weekend from hell.
he is punished, no telly, i am at home, cant do too much, because he is around.
i feel worn out, stressed.
i dont know what to do with him at summer holiday, i dont have too much money.
when i look at my own life, i lost my career, dont see a potential new bf (i still good look, but), not able to build a social life, not able to find a job.
i try to get some help but people dont want to bother with me i feel.
my friends, or the ones that i want to be friend with me are running away from me.
and some people trying to take advantage of me as lone parent.
my ds will be assessed soon.
his father no where near, and no contact.
have noone to talk to so i wrote here.
thanks for reading, and if anyone out there in a similar situation i would like to hear their advices.

You do sound like you have depression. Visit your GP and let them know how you are feeling. Have you tried Gingerbread the organisation for lone parents? They may be able to offer advice and have a social network which may help.

I hope you are feeling better soon. And good luck with your ds's diagnosis.

Take care

i feel like everyone is ignoring me or running away from me in real life.
if i was a happy person it wouldnt be like that i guess.
but i feel left alone.

Feeling lonely and having depression is horrible. Please see your doctor tomorrow and contact Gingerbread and HOmestart. You may find they really help and put you in touch with other mums in similar situations.

You have a lot on your plate at the moment and doing it without family support is really difficult.

Good luck Lonelymum. I hope you get the support that you need.

thanks nogoes.

aw

you sound like you have been through a hard time and are still going through one, and you are doing it alone and unsupported.

it is normal to feel depressed under these circumstances. I am not saying that you should not seek help, I am just saying that it is not your "fault", IYKWIM.

second going to GP and homestart/gingerbread (will homestart help? no kids under 5 and no dx?)

But also consider parenting classes. good things have been said about them

best of luck

x

thanks Fillyjonk,
i have been to parenting classes,
i have been to GP, i had been on ad's, counselling,
i did all of those.
recntly i have registered to Gingerbread, i hope it will be good for us.

did any of them help?

am sorry you 're going through this

i can relate to your stuff.. single here and sometimes feel awful especially at weekends when young ds goes to Dad and teenager is out all day and night with her mates. its lonely and depressing and all i can hope for is a girls night out or a futile date with some loser !!!!

BTW...I live near southampton so if any single and lonely mums fancy a night out drinking etc then let me know.

bloody hell lonelymum- i am really feeling for you. if i could, i would give you a big hug.

i don't know about the gingerbread thing, but i really want for there to be some support mechanism in place for you. you deserve to have some help in some way.

even if you have seen gp before, i think you should persevere- let them know that you are really suffering. the samaritans are good; they won't tell you what to do, but they are fantastic listeners.

also, i think it is worth making a time to meet with your DS's teacher. if he is problematic at home, it is very likely that he will be just as bad or worse at school. if you explain to the teacher what is happening with you at the moment, it will help the staff understand and deal with your son's acting out perhaps more sympathetically.

you are doing well to keep going, and to search for help. underneath it all, i bet your son wishes he could do anything to make it all better for you, without realising that better behaviour from him would make all the difference to you. you may find that things seem better- even if only for a few minutes- if you make a point of giving him a cuddle for "no good reason" with no strings attached and letting him know how much he means to you. it's not a solution but when he feels better about himself, you will most likely feel better too, and vice versa. even if it just brightens both of your day a little bit, it will be worth it.

please know that there ARE people who care.

thanks very much nachomama, maltesers.

where are you in the country lonelymum?

i am in london dingolimpet.
i think this depression hits me mostly at the weekends.
my ds seems to be better now.
he seems to me like a really lovely dc.
but why i cant do anything for his father to become a proper person and look after him a bit?
why i cant have that luxury?
we are far away, i cant give address to him after dv, and he is drinking everynight.
his mother seems ok and my ds would love to feel loved by her, and this is upsetting me too.
i've looked after him on my own till that age?
am i doing anything wrong?
am i bad mother?
i feel so upset.
we may have to move from where we live, this is another strain.

i read your message, and you sound like me. my family and kids dad are a waste of space, so it is always just me and the kids.Even at christmas, so called family times, over the 2 weeks it is just me and kids.

i know how difficult it is. the endless slog of it all with hardly anything to break the montony. then there is the pressure of finance, exhaustion, challenging kids etc etc i can go on, but it is only when you are in the position do you get how hard it is.

what keeps me going though is that im determined for my kids to have a better family and homelife than i ever did. when my kids grow up i want them to continue being in a close loving and supportive family. i hope that by hugging them every day, and listning to them every day i will achieve this.

i read your message, and you sound like me. my family and kids dad are a waste of space, so it is always just me and the kids.Even at christmas, so called family times, over the 2 weeks it is just me and kids.

i know how difficult it is. the endless slog of it all with hardly anything to break the montony. then there is the pressure of finance, exhaustion, challenging kids etc etc i can go on, but it is only when you are in the position do you get how hard it is.

what keeps me going though is that im determined for my kids to have a better family and homelife than i ever did. when my kids grow up i want them to continue being in a close loving and supportive family. i hope that by hugging them every day, and listning to them every day i will achieve this.

this is just to say, i hope you're ok and that i have been thinking of you. i have been checking every few days to see if you have replied-hope you're ok

have you tried gingerbread? what do you think?

Hi lonelymum. Just want to know that you're OK? There are people out here thinking of you. London can be a lonely place at the best of times.

I'm also suffering from depression and know how much harder it makes it to cope. There's always hope however and you have obviously got a lovely little boy who loves you!

Do you still have to move?
Are you getting any more help?