Can't cope

[thebumpyride]

I'm a mum of 3 to ages 4, 1 and 4 months and lately I've just been feeling like I'm not coping at all. My mental health is deteriorating massively but I stopped taking my anti-depressants because my doctor told me they could affect my baby's behaviour. So I didn't wanna risk it. I am a single mum and we all live alone in a house together quite far away from everything apart from the doctors and a shop. I don't drive either. I cry most days because I feel so bad for my babies that I'm not stronger, not smarter and not better for them. They've all been poorly lately with a bad sickness bug and that has knocked me too. I am never away from them which I love but I also don't have any support from family to turn to when it's an emergency. My mum doesn't help me at all and rarely speaks to me unless it's about herself. I hate to admit it but I've been trying to think of a way to end it all. I mean end all the horrible thoughts and feelings constantly going on in my head. I've had enough of myself. When I tell family I feel alone and scared and down they just tell me I will be ok. But I feel like I won't be. Some days I can barely leave the house and I feel so guilty for that. I really want help and some friends :'( but I don't know where to start or who to turn to. My family have made me feel alone. I hate myself. Sorry for all the self pity.

By 'end it all' I mean I've been feeling suicidal. Just wanted to clarify.

Poor you - god, three kids, all so little, and one a tiny newborn, with no help? No wonder you feel desperate. I think your desperation is pretty normal (although feels horrendous).

Talk to your health visitor about sure start/any help you can get/good mother and baby groups.

Try and eat and drink as well as possible and rest as much as you can.

Talk to your GP about how you’re feeling and what your options are - ask for a different doctor if needs be.

Remember this overwhelming stage will pass - nothing ever stays the same, you will get through this. ‘This too shall pass’.

Just wanted to send a reply really and say, I hear you. Hang in there

Hi, I really think you need some support, some people in your life. If you don't have friends/family to turn to then please try speaking to your health visitor or gp. They could put you in touch with different support groups or offer any other help that's available to you.

Raising small children is so hard and you really do have your hands full. I think you would probably feel better if you didn't feel so isolated and just had someone to talk to.

How are you feeling today? I hope you're ok.