Hi all.
I don’t want to start with a huge backstory as to why I’m even starting a thread so I’ll try and keep things brief.
I’m really struggling with everything in life at the moment and am sat writing this in my doctors surgery awaiting to seek medical help (I may have to continue writing this when I get home)
For too long I’ve always been the strong one, always coped better than most but now I’m finally admitting I’m broken.
My mum has suffered with depression for as long as I can remember so have always had it in my life, one way or another. Over the last couple of years she’s progressively got worse and just before Xmas started to self harm
As always I was the first port of call to try and help her, I tried but I just wasn’t strong enough and it’s actually contributed to my downfall. I haven’t really ever had a ‘mother’ no one to really call on and look after me (even at the age of 35 we all need our mothers) I’ve always been the one looking after her. It’s such a sad place to be and I’ve even spoken to her about it and asked her why, asked her to just be there for me for a change (hoping that might help her focus a bit more on life) nothing I say or do makes any difference to the situation and I have to find a way to deal with it. I just can’t.
So that’s number one of a busket load of issues.
I’m so sad all the time, it’s almost like it hurts to smile.
I have 3 beautiful daughters who I need to get better for so I’ve finally admitted I’m depressed (also did an online survey which only confirmed I’m ‘severely depressed’
It’s such a dark place. Feeling like I’m being weighed down and pulled down at the same time.
I have an amazing fiancé who is so supportive which is a blessing and he’s helPing as best he can.
Dreaded going into the doctor...wish me luck 😢