I've had a pretty difficult childhood that I haven't ever dealt with until now.
Alcoholic father, domestic violence against my mum, police called to our house constantly, father drink-driving with me in the car, my father's three suicide attempts (one of which I found him when I was 17 which was deeply traumatic). Violence/control against me from a boyfriend I was with from age 15-17 (I was vulnerable and avoided home because of the parents, they didn't pay attention to where I was and who with).
I've been holding it all together somehow ever since and have a good life, responsible job, great marriage and children.
My father has behaved awfully to everybody in his life and now nobody bothers with him but me. He had another failed relationship after my mum which ended owing to domestic violence. He's now in chronic pain, pretty much disabled and has diabetes troubles etc. I'm an only child and I take on as much as I can (his appointments etc).
I posted on relationships around a week ago about the situation that gave me a bit of a breakdown - my dad was angry about the time the carer was coming (I don't arrange the carers so not really my issue) and was threatening to kill himself.
I was upset and asking him not to say that, as I found it traumatic and we argued, he then made an allegation (in a text) that the reason for his suicide attempts in the past was that my mother had tried to encourage him to sexually abuse me when I was a child. I don't believe this to be true at all, I think it is him trying to hurt me. He's too old and frail to be violent so it's almost like this is his next tactic. I'm obviously sick to my stomach and distraught that he could say this to me!
Anyway, long story short, broke down in tears at work, showed my manager the text, got sent home and referred to the counselling service at work (very lucky to have this). Got put to the top of the list and have had a session where I have started to talk about what the counsellor calls trauma, what I went through as a child.
I did find the session helpful but I'm now in a brain fog, I've not spoken to my dad either and I'm feeling very guilty that he's now on his own. I'm not sleeping well and the counsellor suggested I go to the GP and get signed off (responsible job where I transport hundreds of people around and need to be on the ball).
I am dreading the GP, I don't know where to start and I feel like an imposter or something, like they will think I'm trying to skive off work. Never had a sick note before and I'm in my mid thirties. I'm Mrs Reliable and everything feels like it's changed.
Any advice? Gosh that was long, i didn't mean to write a novel! Thanks in advance.