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Mental health services angry with me these days, not like before

5 replies

mentalfluid · 26/01/2018 21:17

I have had BPD (Borderline PD) issues emerging since my teens and when old enough for diagnosis i was diagnosed. Back then I was living in a poor town and faced a lot of stigma in mental health services for it. was drugged and left to cope with very little real help until in my late 20s when i moved away and was offered DBT. This has been a help to me. And i started having nicer workers. My DBT therapist was very kind...

Fast forward to the past 2 years... I have gone from beig treated with compassion kindness and patience to no wbeing treated with irritation, like i am a fake and a fraud. It i slike it used to be in the old days where i used to live, except even worse because now even the receptionsists do not like me.

I did find DBT helpful in many ways but i have had soem additional issues which the DBT was not so effective for. I have improved in some ways and relapsed in other ways. I admit my fear of abandonment or not being taken seriously has led to me exaggerating and even lying at times. So yes, i understand why they do not like me much. and even with it sometimes being a symptom of BPD (not everyone with BPD lies, but it is known symptom for some. identity issues and fearof abandonment are the main pillars on which this illness stands and some people lie to cope with those). BUT.....

Right from the start, even before i started lying it was known to MH services that i had a long trauma history in my childhood of myriad kinds of abuse, the worst of it from a parent. I have gone back to my DBT therapist who seems irritated with me these days for not being "cured" yet- i sense it in her voice and face. But she does, or i thought she did, believe me re: my childhood. Well, I have been triggered recently regarding my dad and today i called teh CPN and ended up sobbing on the phone. I di dnot feel i could tell the CPN about my dad, because she has never taken that seriously so i mentioned a sexual assault i went through as a child. She started questioning whether it was true? She says "you did not tell your DBT therapist this." I said "yes i did, it is in my notes." I had been sefl harming again and she told me "well, if you cut, it isn't going to kill you." I mentioned i was in distress and she laughed and said "no you are not....!"

I have been hospitalised recently with BPD and taken an overdose recently (and many in the past) but she still maintains that my behaviour is just tantrums" and not real PTSD. i tell her my DBT therapist says BPD is usually trauma related but she says "maybe it isn't caused by that." All i know is that i am terrified of my dad and become very panicky and fearful around him- he gaslights, scapegoats, screams threats and hits sometimes. Back in June before i started working with this CPN i had a brealdown and was in hospital. I was told by the duty psychiatrist i appeared to have CPTSD as well as BPD and she recommended trauma therapy.....i never got it- just more DBT... And DBT has been good for me generally, but I feel I need help dealing with the fear of my father. i also have a lot of social anxiety, dissociative episodes and get very obsessive. I fear people are angry with me and i do not trust anyone easily....i really feel sometimes like i wish i could hit an artery and die. I am not sure i want to be dead though, i just want to be heard and accepted.

My DBT therapist has tried to teach me self-validation and self care but when someone flat out questions me about the abuse I go nuts... and i get scared i wil hurt someone. i am pretty sure i am not faking my symptoms so why does my CPN think i am???

OP posts:
mentalfluid · 26/01/2018 21:43

the CPN has done some good things for me in the past but i am uneasy about her behaviour sometimes. Things i am uncomfortable with include:

1/ when i was triggered into a meltdown triggered by something related to my abusive father i was told "Well, i am going to ring your mum and she can tell me whether this DID happen or not"

2/ Regarding a physical condition i have which causes me great pain and means i have ben unable to hold down work "well, it is not really life limiting, is it? Why do you need a cleaner/carer? my friend with MS cleans her house daily and has a ful time job." My illness isn't terminal like MS can be, but it does involve some very challenging neurological symptoms.

3/ "you are not really distressed" when i have been screaming down the phone and crying and clawing at myself

4/ when i mentioned "maybe i need to go to a and e- i am scared i am going to hurt my pets because i feel so angry and desperate. i am having intrusive thoughts about doing that and i feel unsafe". "no, you're not!!!" "what a waste of resources going to a and e"

5/ I have eating issues which mean i go to a 12 step group for binge eaters and bulimics etc an dma on a plan which says i must avoid sugar and refined carbs she will be like "oh a bit of chocolate will be fine. have you tried Slimming World?" Now i expect that from someone with no training in EDs or mental health, but this woman has worked in a teenage ED unit. She says i am not really lying to my Overeaters Anon sponsor if i eat chocolate an don't tell her. i appreciate this is probably her trying t tell me not to beat mysefl up and i know some ED workers say that OA etc is encouraging further issues etc. but i cannot help but feel a bit invalidated.

Also, before christmas i had been ill with a virus and actaully could not stand up without dizziness and all i could do is sleep when my CPN came to vsisit she shamed me for the house being dirty and when I said I had been sick she told me i was lying...yeah, i know i am a liar and i guess i have brought all this on myself

6/ She tells me breaking off contact with my dad etc should be easy. she has no idea how hard it is for me to assert myself in baby steps...does not believe i am shy and lack assetiveness either. She thinks because i get screamy when i am triggered that means i am not shy. I am trying to get out and meet new people more, i agree with her i need to do that, but she acts like it is not an acheivement for me to do that.....

7/ i am fat and i think deep down inside she feels i am just lazy. She asked me when she first started working with me "What do you DO all day???" It isn't the question i find upsetting, it is the way she said it. the tone.

8/ She has threatened to just discharge me before. To be fair, i had been very unwell when she threatened that and was out of control. i have been violent to family member sin the past when i was living with them, so i can understand her concern. i just feeel something doesn't feel right. she seems to think i am spoiled an dhas said before others have treated me too gently. well, my childhood was like that on the Stately Homes thread but with violence mixed in, and even being denied medical help when needed etc i am not spoiled. more like unloved

9/ our first session : "do you feel superior to other people?" in spite of me saying i do not know who i am and sometimes feel i need to take on other peoples' identitites to feel worth something?

OP posts:
PreparingToBeAMummy · 27/01/2018 08:59

I didn't want you to have no replies this morning but I'm not sure I have many helpful things to say.

I have attachment disorder which is basically bpd. Private therapy with the same therapist over 7 odd years has been my saviour. NHS services have been at best supportive but ineffective, at worst damaging and rude. Private therapy made me feel heard and supported.

You also could report the comments like about asking your mum. That would be a horrendous breach of confidentiality and one that should be reported.

How are you doing today?

strawberriesaregood · 27/01/2018 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeemaNaan · 27/01/2018 13:32

Option one is that you speak to the team manager and request a change of CPN if you’re not getting on with her. I swapped care co once when I didn’t get in with them. Personalities clash.

One problem you have is that once you’ve lied more than once, people will start to question everything you say, and if you’ve done it repeatedly, then it’ll deteriorate even more.

Option 2 is to have a meeting with your care co, go through the issues and workout a way you can resolve it together and move on.

mentalfluid · 27/01/2018 21:05

KeemaNaan I know i have been very stupid and I feel so much guilt anyway.

I really am scared the CPN will tell my mum- my mum is so frightened of my dad and he may well be listening in to the phone- he does that...i am scared for her and for me....I really worry if CPN tells my mum that i will do something awful. i have attempted suicide in the past but was always relieved when i woke up alive. i am too much of a coward to face death. but i don't want to be alive either if my parents find out.

PreaparingToBeAMummy I am 35.... can they really tell my parents??? i feel like Billy Bibbit in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- i really am that scared.

strawberries it is the CPN not the therapist. i thought the first time she started being unkind that i was just being paranoid and oversensitive.... but i do not think it is just that now. she seems to look down on me

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