I had a tough time with myself as a teenager. Took it out on myself with any sharp objects I could find. Only went really 'deep' a few times, mostly just cat scratches but there was a time when they covered every inch of space on my forearms/ thighs. I was lucky enough to escape with only a handful of scars.
Looking back over a decade later, my parents dealt with it awfully when they found out. Basically told me to "stop it" and to put an end to all this "silliness".
I got punished if I refused to let them check my arms.
Eventually stopped on my own accord, kind of. Went a good few years without it even crossing my mind.
Nowadays, if I get really upset I tend to hit my thigh, enough to bruise and hurt but not do any permanent damage.
However I still find myself drawn back to wanting to cut.
Even if its just dragging a paperclip across my wrist, it'll leave a tiny red mark and feel good until I look at it later and feel guilty asf.
Am I ever going to be able to stop thinking like this?
That hurting myself gives some kind of release?
I'm 25 ffs, I shouldn't be still reacting like this surely?