Having a tough few days.

[Rockandrollwithit]

Hi everyone,

I'm a mum of two and currently going through my second round of PND. My DS2 was born with TOF/OA, had surgery on his second day of life and spent weeks in NICU. He's fixed but not cured, as there will be long term effects. I did very well whilst he was in NICU but then had a massive crash when we came home. He's four and a half months now.

I'm really struggling this week. DH is a teacher so leaves before we all get up for the day. He's home to help with bed time but then often works all evening, so I don't really get much adult interaction. Sometimes the longest chat I have all day is with DS1's preschool staff.

DS2 is a difficult baby. It's not his fault as he has had to recover from major surgery on his oesophagus and lungs and has genuine health needs, but it's so hard. He wants to be held all the time and has never slept for more than an hour independently. He cries a lot. As DH works in the evening, I don't get any time away from the constant pressure to get him to sleep and the constant crying. I feel guilty even complaining about it as we are so lucky that he is still here and doing so well.

I don't have a massive circle of friends but I've found that it's all fizzled out since DS2 was born. People just don't get in touch and there's been a lot of awkwardness. Some people who I thought were close friends weren't there for us at all during the NICU stage. I feel so lonely. My DS1 is three and lovely but he's all the conversation I have sometimes.

I've also been advised by the surgeon to not do any baby groups over the winter as DS2s lungs would not cope with bronchiolitis etc. He had a cold a few weeks ago and it was awful.

It just feels endless at the moment. The crying, the waking up every hour, the lack of conversation. I'm realising how very few people I actually have in my life too.

I know I just need to keep going and push through this stage, but it feels really hard at the moment.

That IS all tough.
I have a five and a half month old and a four year old, and I’m finding it hard work.

Lack of sleep, second babies seem not to come with friends like first ones, general January misery, and the worry about your baby’s health. It must be exhausting and stressful. You sound like you’re doing a wonderful job, but I know it takes a toll. Please be kind to yourself. Get as much sleep as you can manage.

I keep telling myself that Spring is coming... it’s a small consolation right now.

@callamia

Thanks for your kind post. I'm trying to be kind to myself as much as possible, DH is good about giving me a bit of time to myself at the weekends to have a bubble bath or read a book and that does help. He suggested taking both boys to his parents this weekend so I could go out but I'm not ready to be away from DS2 yet and I have no one really to go out with 🙄.

We will both get there one day at a time.

We will. It’s not awful, just some days are a bit miserable and hard work.

I’m glad you get chance for a break sometimes. Have you been able to talk through the worry about the surgery?

Would you feel better about leaving the kids if it was just for an hour? You & DP could go for a walk or a glass of wine?

I had some counselling before Christmas but it was phone counselling and it didn't really do much for me. I might pay privately for some CBT as that has worked well for me in the past if things don't improve.

@loveprosecco
I definitely need to work on leaving him. I have a lot of anxiety around it and I know that at least some of it is irrational. At the moment he settles so much better for me than anyone else and I worry about the possibility of a blue spell, even though it's very unlikely.