Extremely depressed

[goldenletters]

Sorry this might be long and ive post similar before but I just need to vent

I'm a single mum to a 3 year old and am also expecting a baby in April! I work and am at university. We don't have much money but we get by and generally things are good.

However I'm really struggling with my MH. I've always suffered with depression and anxiety

I neglected my university work so far this year because I just couldn't cope with that on top of everything though my degree makes me so happy and I enjoy it thoroughly, I've since spoken to the university and I will have a chance to re submit my work in July, so really that's all sorted but I feel devastated that I fucked it up so much in the first instance and I can't stop thinking about it and still panicking.

I worked all the time instead of doing uni work/going to uni and once I leave my job in a couple of weeks I won't be getting maternity pay because I haven't been there long enough. I still will get a student loan (I will be continuing my studies after the baby is born) but without maternity pay I dread how poor we are going to be.

I have asked exP for help with money and he always says he will contribute but he hasn't given anything, and since he's a student hes under no obligation to pay any maintenance until he's finished his studies. I find this so unfair as all of the financial pressure is entirely on me.

I just feel so down. I feel like I have all the responsibility in the world and I have the happiest loveliest 3 year old I don't want to let him down or the new baby.

I've tried several different anti depressants over the years and nothing has worked. I tried counselling also and I have times of feeling much better and being "normal" but I'm at an all time low right now. I feel too anxious to send e-mails, too anxious to see my friends etc. I have a fantastic mum who helps me a lot but she doesn't really understand the extent of my problems and is very much a "get on with it" kind of person. Not in a cruel way I think she just doesn't understand how hard it is having MH struggles

Sorry for the long post not sure what I'm trying to achieve writing here but maybe some advice or a hand hold or to know people understand what it's like would be nice x

I'm here for a hand-hold. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment - I know how overwhelming that can feel. I suffer from mental health problems too, and know how impossibly difficult it can feel at times. Trying to explain it to other people can feel exhausting.

Try not to beat yourself up about the University work. You really are doing the best you can. Resubmitting in July gives you plenty of time.

Have you spoken to your midwife or GP about the way you are feeling? They will be able to offer good guidance and advice, and perhaps even some talking therapy/medication options.

Although I know it can feel so lonely, you aren't alone in feeling like this. It's a good start to write down how you are feeling somewhere like Mumsnet, where there are plenty of people who can offer you a hand-hold. I really hope you feel better soon.

Sending lots of love and hugs