My life at the moment is hard, single Mum, no support, abusive relationships from various corners, and financial pressure.
Needless to say I am trying my hardest to keep things on the straight and narrow and remain positive. I feel very very empty.
The thing is, even though I have moments when I convince myself things are going to be ok and have plans for the future, I am tired. So so very tired. I am like a robot, trying to avoid my feelings and being the strong focused person day after day without any, well, joy.
Right now I’m actually feeling like I want to scream and shout and say enough I need a fucking break and I can’t be a robot anymore.
I’ve reached the end of the track and I have no energy to carry on. Recently I feel that when I’m getting on with everyday life it’s like I’m acting being all civilised when actually I want to completely blurt out no I’m not ok and then go off on one blurting out my anger and frustration.
What is wrong with me? I actually feel like internally I am loosing the plot tonight . I can’t be bothered anymore. I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel and I want to burst with the emotions I have right now.
Hopefully this will pass but I wondered if I had a personality disorder it had crossed my mind a lot recently.