In 2016 I lost my beloved grandmother. She refused treatment after a minor stroke and refused to eat or drink so I sat and watched her basically starve herself to death. This year by grandad died. I have parents, we get on but we're not close. No siblings. I've been single for almost 8 years.
Most Sundays I never speak or see anyone. I have good friends but all are married or with someone, got kids, so weekends are family time. Sometimes I can go whole weekends on my own.
Aside from my grandparents, I know 14 other friends or relatives in the last two years who have contracted cancer or a brain tumour. Three only recently diagnosed. Eight have died. Some have been only a year or two older than me. I'm a 43 year old guy.
I have a good job, hobbies, but the constant loneliness and all these losses or illnesses are just piling on top of me. I'm not depressed, had it before and can recognise it. I just feel like I'm done and have had enough.
I lost my first girlfriend in a car crash at 21, another friend died on Xmas Eve when I was 18 and two other friends died around my 30th birthday. One accident, one brain haemorrhage. One a teacher, one a doctor. With small kids.
Far more useful people. But I'm still here.
I really don't want to be here this time next year. I've had it.