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Mental health

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Really struggling to keep going

4 replies

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2018 23:05

In 2016 I lost my beloved grandmother. She refused treatment after a minor stroke and refused to eat or drink so I sat and watched her basically starve herself to death. This year by grandad died. I have parents, we get on but we're not close. No siblings. I've been single for almost 8 years.

Most Sundays I never speak or see anyone. I have good friends but all are married or with someone, got kids, so weekends are family time. Sometimes I can go whole weekends on my own.

Aside from my grandparents, I know 14 other friends or relatives in the last two years who have contracted cancer or a brain tumour. Three only recently diagnosed. Eight have died. Some have been only a year or two older than me. I'm a 43 year old guy.

I have a good job, hobbies, but the constant loneliness and all these losses or illnesses are just piling on top of me. I'm not depressed, had it before and can recognise it. I just feel like I'm done and have had enough.

I lost my first girlfriend in a car crash at 21, another friend died on Xmas Eve when I was 18 and two other friends died around my 30th birthday. One accident, one brain haemorrhage. One a teacher, one a doctor. With small kids.

Far more useful people. But I'm still here.

I really don't want to be here this time next year. I've had it.

OP posts:
LastYearsStocking · 21/01/2018 23:16

ThanksThanksThanks

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2018 23:21

I heard of two deaths today. An uncle, at least old, plus colleague, 47. Cancer, only diagnosed three months ago. Another friend if 20 years was diagnosed two weeks ago. Just a shit start to the year after two totally shit years previously.

I have lots of friends, all ages, lucky there, although best friend really hasn't been there for me when Nan or grandad died. I keep busy, especially in the week evenings with hobbies, and I enjoy them at the time but the constant coming home to empty flat. No one to share things with, go on holidays, shoulder to cry on. Always feel like I'm just existing.

Thank you for letting me vent. No one here to do it to.

OP posts:
sixtimesseven · 29/01/2018 20:21

I read your post several days ago but it stuck in my mind because I have often felt the same way the last year or so. I have so many things happen in my life that there isn't room for any more. Like I have done it all/had it all happen? Not properly depressed here either although maybe dysthymia.

Like yourself I am only mid-forties and find myself being 'a one person band' in that everyone else has their family commitments and it seems impossible to find a level of emotional intimacy with other people (despite trying hobbies, etc.) Unlike yourself I have been married (now divorced) and have kids. Marriage didn't provide what you're looking for, fyi, -- my spouse withheld intimacy for sixteen years and kids are kids obviously. I have not bothered to jump into the dating pool as I already experienced twenty years of living with a man who 'wasn't there'. Maybe I am saying there's got to be other ways of finding emotional connection...Having a best friend as you say should help, but I think at our age, 40's, it's like friends come last all the time. I don't know when that ends because it seems like people I talk to in their fifties they still only talk about what their kids are doing! I love my kids, too, but they took over my life for so long I kind of want my own life now...

I am really hoping something in my life will change for the better. I will try to do things for myself to improve myself. I am hoping somehow that magically being a better person will translate into somehow finding more good things around me or maybe more less loneliness. Maybe I won't be reading internet threads anymore lol.

This probably doesn't help you any. Just to say you're not alone. Probably too late posting on this anyway!

DavidGandyfanclubpresident · 29/01/2018 20:30

I think it's really sad that in this little quiet corner of mumsnet your thread got overlooked and swallowed up by the crazy neighbour and baby names threads. After all you said in your posts it must have hurt to let it spill out here and to get radio silence - I wish I had spotted it sooner. I would have said you sound like a great guy, and grief is the most raw of human emotions and to have encountered death and loss as much as you have in your life, it would have worn down the strongest heart. You are remarkable to still be putting one foot in front of the other, still being active and keeping busy. But don't be too hard on yourself, maybe some counselling would help, you have suffered great loss, it helps to talk about it.

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