Feeling people don't like you anymore? Anxious, teary, self loathing? Don't worry, it's your hormones!

[PhyllisDietrichson]

I've just come out of a period of depression. I went through years of: self doubt, self-blame, worry, anxiety, low mood, chronic insomnia and intense day sweats. I experienced funny smells after peeing, no libido, wanting to hide and huge weight gain. My girlfriends tell me they've experienced part, or all of the above and more. I've sat there with a poor friend whilst they've sobbed into their cuppa telling me, 'I don't know what's wrong, I feel as if my friends don't like me anymore, I feel alone and sad, I've gone off sex' etc etc, so many friends have had a really horrible time too.

My question is why did no-one suggest we were not going mad, but that it was all a result of the peri-menopause and the menopause?

I'd ended up on anti-depressants and sleeping pills, had a breakdown and quit my career. I had all sorts of counselling, I lost contact with friends and felt so rotten for so long. In fact I was a different person; and I lost myself for 6 years. No wonder they call it 'The Change'.

Then I finally got HRT. I went and asked for it after chats with other women on Mumsnet who've gone through this. Those little pills have changed my life: The sweats have gone, I'm far happier and sleep better. I'm not anxious or sad. That strange feeling of doom and persecution has gone as has the need to blame myself and others for being ''crap" all the time. I don't need to hide away or feel isolated. I've started going out more and to enjoy my friends again. I've joined a weight loss class and have started light running with a group so the weight's slowly coming off.

It seems strange that during those dark years when I was seeking help through mental-health route, no doctor ever asked me how the peri-menopause was, or tried me on HRT when I presented with these symptoms. Why not? Don't they know?

Why are women being fobbed off with the sticking plaster of anti-depressants? It's not dealing with the hormonal imbalance, it's masking it. I know it sounds incredible that these symptoms were all down to lack of hormones, but that really is my experience. All of those horrilble years could have been avoided, if I'd been seen earlier by a doctor who understands that not all weepy middle-aged women are actually mentally ill. I do appreciate that HRT is not for everyone for all sorts of health reasons, but it sure has helped me to feel my old again. I am so very grateful to the women who frequent these pages who urged me to get HRT, and I thank you.

This is very interesting thank you. What age were you when you started feeling like this? I often feel like you describe & am on a/d's, i have struggled with anxiety & depression on and off for years. I'm nearly 43 and was wondering recently if my anxiety & low mood will worsen with middle age because of the reasons you mention.

Symptoms started at around 45 Honey

Thank you, hmm I do wonder if that's what's occurring with me. I can see why it would be hard to tell the difference though.

Try HRT give it 3 weeks and see. Sometimes gel or patches work better and trying a few til type and application is right. Check menopause section of health. I posted there too. Fab info X

Just wondering how do you know if it is anxiety/depression/low mood or if it is caused by peri menopause? For at least 1 week per month before period due I am the foulest most horrible person due to my mood. I know I'm doing it but I can't help it and I'm worried it's affecting my family. I just assumed it was part of having anxiety/low mood etc.. but it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I'm 43 so would that be classed as peri menopause? I need to do something about this as it's making me and my family miserable.

There is HRT for peri-menoupause which can start early for some women - worth googling or better asking on Menopause talk

Just scrolling through mental health and found this thread, which is exactly how a feel a lot of the time at the moment, especially today.

I have strong feelings of self loathing, am convinced nobody likes me and I feel like this is exacerbated every day when I do the school run and feel like everyone around me are besties and I'm there Billy no mates.

I have a loose friendship group of parents at school , well it now appears loose , as one of them is having a significant Birthday and myself and DH have not been invited. I have started obsessing about it and have been having recurring dreams about being excluded.

I should just think fuck em , but it really hurts and it feels like this proved the fact that people just don't like me.

Add to this all of the above feelings you have described and I just feel like hiding away - the anxiety is pretty bad.

I am 45 and periods have started to go funny - am convinced this is the peri-meno.

Go to Docs try / discuss HRT for peri-meno. The anxiety linked to meno is not uncommon but is so often ignored or misdiagnosed as a mental health issue ALL THE TIME. So many women, incl friends of mine and myself have been given the sticking-plaster of anti-depressants whilst the obvious thing - hormonal imbalances due to age are not considered, even by female GPs - and even menopausal GPs!!

Hormones make our lovely teens angry, sullen, unloving, have intense feelings of loneliness but are anti-social at the same time, we accept that this is part of their 'change' but when it comes to the raging hormones of the menopause, no-one seems to suggest it's can be very similar.

Thank you - too true, you can have intense feelings of loneliness but be anti-social at the same time.

I have always been a slave to my hormones but it's really ramped up in the past few years ! It just seems that unless you are actually going through it people find it hard to empathise.

It's good just good to get these things off your chest and realise there are others going through the same.

I have all those feelings but know hormones are a factor as I'm pregnant. In fact I feel like my feelings get dismissed due to me being hormonal. I just need to focus on the baby and know that my hormones will balance out after birth. I have also been fobbed off with antidepressants dispite the risks to the baby. Setraline was really bad for me, had that immediately after conception for about 5 days, caused insomnia which I couldn't deal with. Told gp may be pregnant. Then, at my mental health review I was prescribed citalopram which I've not taken but its causing me anxiety about what is the right decision and distracting me from pregnancy. It's not a good time to be experimenting with psychoactive drugs!

I've been prescribed utovlan to help regulate periods.... I've never felt more normal!!

It's a synthetic progesterone, so whilst I always thought hormone drove me nuts - actually it feels the reverse

I'm 41 btw

Deborah you need to discuss this with your GP and the risks involved. Do your own research too. If you're very depressed but don't want to take medication you really to get professional advice to work out what's best for you and the baby overall. Meanwhile try Headspace meditation app, if you're not already, and try to get out walking in a park as often as you can, it helped me massively in the years before HRT when I felt totally overwrought and unable to make rational decisions - oh and I found the dog a huge source of comfort - and I had to walk her (win-win sitch).

Thank you philis. I'm under specialist mental health care at the moment so not pushing away all support. I've got an app called silvercoud which is an NHS funded cbt and meditation app. It's pretty good. I've got a psycatric assessment tomorrow which I've been irrationally stressing about.

I'm worried I might have bipolar, but trying my best not to overthink things!

Worried about postnatal sleep deprivation, psychosis and depression. I'm trying to implement the cbt technique of 10 minutes worry time once or twice a day but am still worrying outside of my scheduled worry time.

I had a hysterectomy at 45, went straight on HRT. "The Rage" went away, that flick of a switch anger, has gone.

I do have MH issues, I lost my daughter to cancer and have had depression/anxiety as a result. But I've, essentially, bypassed the menopause and I'm glad of it too.

I know when my patch needs changing, let's put it that way, even though I'm dilligent about what day I have to.

Feel I should add a caveat here.

The symptoms of my post and its title can obviously also be down to a mental health issue/s. I just wanted to point out that it is not always, and that the peri and the menopause can present very similarly, but it's not diagnosed successfully and treated as such in all too many cases.

Sorry to hear there's so much worry out there.