I wonder if this is just me - I have OCD and recently I feel like I’ve been seeking out distressing stuff.
I’m prone to ruminating on intrusive thoughts (mainly things about harm coming to people I care about) and it feels like I’m actually trying to sabotage myself. I keep reading horrible things about child abuse and such - I’m usually naturally avoidant of things that cause me distress so I’m wondering now what is wrong with me.
I feel so evil to be looking for these horrible things (just news stories and articles, not actual child abuse images) - I’m obviously repulsed by this stuff so I don’t know why I’m torturing myself.
Sorry, needed to vent, I feel so disgusting.