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Mental health

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Original poster

How can I not feel shame/a failure for taking anti-depressants long-term ?

47 replies

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 14:57

I have been on ADs on and off (mostly on) for the last 25-ish years, after a lifetime problem with anxiety & then later depression after the death of my mother when I was 20. My problem is that, even after all this time and with the ADs working so well for me that I can live a normal life, I still feel a bit ashamed of needing them. From time to time I start to think about coming off them/ reducing my dose ( I am currently on 225mg Venlafaxine), but only manage to unsettle myself with the very thoughts and so changing my mind. I know all the practical arguments about "you'd take medication if you had asthma etc, so it's just the same", and they all make perfect sense, but I just can't seem to truly believe it and accept it without feeling a bit pathetic for needing them. Has anyone else accepted this ok, and can share how you did it? Thanks so much.

OP posts:

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 15:49

Oh yes SheepyFun I have no intention of stopping it yet (and certainly never without my GPs advice and supervision) although I would like to reduce the dosage. The silly thing is, I would consider taking medication for asthma, being a physical thing, perfectly sensible and necessary, it's the psychological stuff that I feel weak for not being able to control. It even sounds silly just typing it, but that's how it has felt.

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Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 15:50

That's interesting MooominMamma - how long did you have off them each time, if you don't mind me asking?

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RaindropsAndSparkles · 13/01/2018 15:55

Interesting. DD has anxiety and depression. Her logic is that the neurostransmitters that make her feel low are wired to give the wrong messages and therefore she needs ad's to rectify a clinical physical issue that impacts her mh just as my thyroid impacts my physical health.

Does that help?

MooominMamma · 13/01/2018 15:58

I've never managed to go longer than 6 months without getting really unwell again. My Dr suggested a couple of years ago that I stay on a therapeutic dose indefinitely and I'm happy with that now. I think the fact that I now have to take meds daily for my migraines helps me to deal with it, I wouldn't not take them because I know I will be out of action for a week with a migraine. Not taking my ADs will result in me being out of action for a lot longer, eventually.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 15:58

Yes, thank you, people have said that to me too, but I'm never sure whether that's right or not.

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Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 16:00

Yes MooominMamma that makes sense. I don't have the same problem with taking my HRT either. I know that I can unsettle myself so easily anxiety-wise, so I think that's why I think I should be able to be stronger and not let it affect me so much.

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PitilessYank · 13/01/2018 16:06

I started taking antidepressants about ten years ago, at the age of 40. I wish I had started them 25 years ago! When my patients (I work as a physician) express ambivalence about taking ADs, I encourage them to think of depression/mental illness as a neurological condition, which is ultimately what it is.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 16:09

Oh really PitilessYank, that's interesting. And as a medical professional, are you happy about taking them long-term/for life?

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PitilessYank · 13/01/2018 16:16

Well, I must also admit to some ambivalence about it. I also take venlafaxine, and it works very well. I will say that every time I have (slowly) tapered myself off of it I have found myself going back on it within a few months.

I do not have a good basis for my concern about taking it long-term. I think it is just a vague wish to be well, I guess, without medication?

PitilessYank · 13/01/2018 16:17

I don't believe that it causes harm to one's body/brain to take ADs long-term.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 16:21

Well I feel like that too, "a vague wish to be well without medication", and it's a case of adjusting my thinking to accept that it may be for life, so that I can enjoy my life.

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mylaptopismylapdog · 13/01/2018 16:36

I have felt this in the past and it still occasionally appears but very fleetingly, basically for me I think this feeling comes from the historical way mental illness has been misunderstood and has nothing to do with the individuals affected. I also know that I would want everyone to take medicine that helps them and to feel good about it. If you can distract yourself by doing something new or something you enjoy,this means good books and box sets for me.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 16:38

Thank you mylaptopismylapdog - I do generally feel really well at the moment, and was getting on with life nicely, it's just the last week as I thought "well, why don't I start reducing my meds" that I have managed to unsettle myself a bit.

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PitilessYank · 13/01/2018 16:39

Yes, exactly, I think that the basis for it has its roots in outmoded thinking on mental illness as somehow not a legitimate form of illness.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 16:44

Yes, I think that is is certainly part of it

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MooominMamma · 13/01/2018 17:08

I agree with mylaptop . When I was in my late teens and my depression was really very bad, yet undiagnosed, my dad would tell me to just snap out of it. I also had a boss, who told me I should never go on ADs as I'd become addicted. I was already on them and ashamed to admit it. Now, I don't care who knows, because they make me well. And I think that the changing attitude towards MH has helped me to accept where I am now.

Original poster

Claffyindia · 13/01/2018 18:41

Things are definitely changing, for the better, in terms of awareness and attitude

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CremeFresh · 13/01/2018 18:43

Can you maybe look at the ads as a chemical balancing pill rather than linking them to mental health?

Gingernaut · 13/01/2018 18:49

I've been on ADs for about 17 years.

I see it as essential maintenance like my asthma inhalers and my antihistamines.

Something I need to function normally.

Teaformeplease · 13/01/2018 19:02

The trauma you've suffered would have caused bad connections (poor phrase) in your brain which ADs can help with. Therapy for PTSD can also help to reconfigure your neural connections and reduce the effects of that trauma. This might help you reduce your ADs.
After so long on ADs your brain will notice a reduction in dose and you will get withdrawal symptoms like anxiety and low mood. A very slow tapering dose may help reduce the withdrawal (say 5-10%, or even less, reduction each month or two, if you experience withdrawal go back up to the previous dose til you've stabilised).

weetabix07 · 14/01/2018 15:48

I've been on them since the age of 18 and in 30s now. Have tried to get off them but go nuts. I feel like you do OP.

Busybeesbutt · 15/01/2018 18:19

I've been on and off since I was about 20. I had depression starting at age 10 but it was never picked up. I came off them during ttc and pregnancy and it was awful. I expect to be on them for the rest of my life as I literally act like a nutter without them

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