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Desperate plea - help for teenage child of a paedophile (looking for treatment recommendations)

8 replies

messofajess · 08/01/2018 21:45

Dsis (17) lives in Ireland with DM and DGM and I am in the UK (early 30's).

Dsis is very very troubled. We have been through CAMHS, sent her to a private therapist, been to Pieta House and have tried to get her into the Dean Clinics. We have exhausted every government assistant route available and have got nowhere. It seems as though she cannot be properly helped until she actually takes an overdose or tries to hang herself. She has been taken to the emergency room 3 times for suicidal thoughts and being caught just before a suicide attempt.

We are very very close. She is a beautiful and very intelligent young woman and is trying to get better but she needs some very intensive help in a specialist field. She has had an extremely tough time and I will try summarise it.

Her father was a paedophile and abused me and her other older Dsis. This was 15 years ago and I have dealt with it (as much as you can with these things) and in a very good strong space to be able to support her - she is my main concern. She is aware of almost everything that happened and its quite ugly. She also witnessed a large portion of my very bad coping mechanisms before I started to heal. She has a history of self mutilation but has this under control after some CBT. She has had a period of heavy drinking and drug experimentation. She has also, been sexually assaulted by a "friend" of hers after a party. A few weeks ago there was a major incident at her school where she is a boarder (she was there at her request, a really wonderful school which she was enjoying and doing well at) and the school has said that they adore her and want her to do well but cannot supervise and care for her the way she needs and cannot accept her back until this happens.

She will most likely be coming to stay with me for a month (for suicide watch) and I am desperately seeking recommendations for private care.
She has been prescribed antidepressants but we don't think they are right for her and so will be booking her in to see a psychiatrist if she does come here, otherwise she has an appointment in Ireland for middle of feb (earliest available.) I am after any recommendations or from people who have been in her position and recovered. We obviously have to go for private care and can finance this at a stretch but we are not ruling our refinancing houses/ robbing banks to take her to another country for the right treatment.

If anyone has any suggestions at all please :( we are so scared we are going to lose her.

OP posts:
messofajess · 09/01/2018 09:10

No one at all?

OP posts:
FloatyFlo · 09/01/2018 09:34

Sorry I've no advice but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Sounds incredibly difficult. Flowers Hopefully posters with good advice and info will be along soon.

PenelopeStoppit · 09/01/2018 18:02

Hi. This sounds very difficult and so I also didn't want to just read and leave. I can't imagine what it is like for you and what you are all experiencing. There will be people on here who can help though. Try posting in Parenting (or if you are brave AIBU!) But you may want to put a trigger warning in the title. Just explain that you need advice and didn't get much traffic on the mental health board. I wish you all the best.

ToothTrauma · 09/01/2018 18:04

Where in the UK are you OP? If in/near West Midlands I can recommend a fantastic psychiatrist and connected psychologist practice.

messofajess · 09/01/2018 18:39

Thank you all for your replies - it is very very difficult.

Penelope I am honestly a bit frightened of AIBU but I will try parenting thank you very much

@Toothtrauma I am on the Surrey/ London border but I am not above driving that distance once or twice a week for a specialist who is experienced with this. Are they specialists? Would it be ok to ask you for their details so I could ask them to refer me to someone closer if there is one? Or book an appointment with them if they can't. Thank you so much

OP posts:
ToothTrauma · 09/01/2018 18:49

I will PM you x

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 09/01/2018 19:38

The Young Minds charity may be able to advise. I found them brilliant.

Hiraeth17 · 12/01/2018 12:47

Can the NSPCC recommend anyone? It sounds like you are doing all the right things in a really tough situation.

A member of my family experienced abuse as a child, and dealt with this at various stages through counselling and medication when required.

Victim Support, your local CAHMS etc may be able to suggest additional support

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