How to stop feeling like I'm constantly drowning?

[crazycatgal]

I've got anxiety and depression, I've tried CBT in the past and had over 20 sessions but it didn't help at all. I was on Sertraline for 4 years but came off it months ago because I have gained 4.5 stones whilst on this medication and now feel even worse because I look disgusting. I have beta blockers that I can take to help deal with anxiety symptoms if I have something like a driving lesson but I really don't want to try any other full time medications after Sertraline.

Over the summer I moved back home after university and have to put up with neighbours who shout, scream and bang all day and night. It makes me feel sick and anxious at home so I feel like I now have no 'safe space.'

I started a Masters degree in September and have four essays due in on the 15th January and 3 interviews to prepare for in the same week. I feel like I can't cope, all of this stress and the constant noise from my neighbours is making me feel really ill.

I don't really know what I'm looking for on this thread, I just wanted to get all of this down.

Are you living with anyone else?
Can you put music on to block out your neighbours?

Try different places to study in - the local library, coffee shops, etc

Neighbours can be extremely annoying you have my sympathy!

Yes, I'm living with my dad whilst I'm doing my Masters.

I don't want to blast out music because they used to blast out heavy drum and bass music on powerful speakers and I don't want them to start that up again.

I live in a very small crappy town, libraries and coffee shops are a bus ride away and most of the time it takes a lot of effort for me to go out and travel to work/uni due to my anxiety.

Have you spoken to your dad about these problems?

I have MH problems & find it difficult to get out although I don't have anxiety.

When my neighbours are noisy I put my ear buds in & listen to my own music as I don't want to encourage them to be noisier.

Ask for an extension on your essay deadlines. Give yourself a break from that at least.

Are you living with your parents? Can they speak to the neighbours about the noise?

I'm sorry you're feeling rubbish. I suffer from anxiety and depression too and it's awful.

I hope you feel better soon x

You'll have to postpone some of the deadlines, sometimes when things have the same deadline there is no other way to cope. Also, you might want to get a pair of passive earmuffs, so you don't hear all the banging and shouting from the neighbours. You aren't attempting all at once, are you? Driving lessons, weight loss, masters thesis, job interviews...? The "drowning" sensation might come from attempting to achieve at the very same time what in reality is impossible (for logistic reasons mostly, it's not impossible if you do one thing after another. For example you might postpone the driving lessons, the weight loss, and the interviews for now, ask for a postponed deadline for two of the essays and finish the easiest essay first and not until then get going on essays two and three. After that work on the interviews and (perhaps) healthy eating habits. Driving lessons last, there are people who go a lifetime without knowing how to drive.)

My dad sort of gets the gist of what's wrong with me, but he's not the sort to really understand mental heath issues and as an only child I only feel pressure to succeed.

He has spoken to the neighbours and their landlord several times (as have other neighbours) this has stopped loud all night parties and loud thumping music. No matter how many times they are told about how loud they are, they can't grasp that the walls are thin and that they are extremely noisy, so their banging and shouting continues.

Yes I am attempting all of those things at once but that's because they need to be done. My 3 interviews are for PGCE placements starting September (please don't flame me for having MH issues and wanting to teach - I know how hard it is) and so I need to do these interviews because if I don't get a place for September this year then I can't wait another year. I am going to try to postpone one of them but I don't want to make myself look bad by postponing them.

I agree that I should ask fir an extension for two of my essays but the uni requires evidence of my anxiety and depression before I can do this. I have a doctors letter that I used at undergraduate but I need an up to date one for this university. My doctors is currently a shambles and the wait is weeks for an appointment.

My driving lessons need to be done because the public transport where I live is shocking - I need to pass my test so that I am able to drive to any schools that I may be placed in come September. Atm I work in a school which is a 20 minute drive away but It takes up to 1hr 50 minutes to commute there due to public transport.

Why can't you wait another year to start your PGCE?

If it can't be done, it just can't be done even if you wish it were the case. I'm 53 now an have sort of accumulated that knowledge over the years, but I was once a student trying to achieve multiple things at once (like you) and it failed miserably, partially because it was impossible, partially because I was "paralyzed" by all the things to be done, and sort of did nothing instead (I just zoned out).

My advice is for you to set up a realistic project plan, and start to negotiate those deadlines. As for your dad, all dads want their children to succeed, but most want even more that their children are happy and at ease (which also is a form of success!)

I think what you're experiencing, in modern terms, is called a "burn out" or "hitting the wall", which is not shameful but happens to a lot of people.

@CuckooCuckooClock I'm 24 and have no income whilst doing this masters because I study full time and work voluntarily to gain experience, and i'll have no income for this PGCE year, which will take me up to 25.

If I don't get on the PGCE for this year then I'm going to have to look at another career because I can't afford to be living off nothing until I'm 26 - I understand that there are loans but I'm currently living off a student loan atm and have peanuts.

I come from a working class background and neither of my parents can really afford to help me for so long - and my life is on hold whilst I'm studying because I can't afford to move in with my partner.

In that case your only option might be to push aside that sensation of drowning, ger off this thread and start writing on the three essays.

@hevonbu I have been getting on with my work, I just needed to come on here to write down how I feel.

Thanks for coming on here and telling me to just push how I feel out of my head and get on with it. I've obviously enjoyed spending the past few years living with mental illness feeling like I am absolutely worthless.

Could you work as a TA for a year before doing the PGCE ?

You sound like you're taking a lot on and putting pressure on yourself to do everything all at once which would make anyone feel like they were drowning.

That's not a judgement, I've been there myself and sometimes you just need to stand still for a bit for the sake of your mental health. The PGCE is a tough 9 months and if you delayed it you could concentrate on your masters this year. Then learn to drive, then start your PGCE.

You are young. You have time to relax.

You're not worthless. You're ill. You will get better and things will improve. Good luck x

@CuckooCuckooClock Being a TA for a year is certainly an option. I'm just not sure whether my experience would be enough or whether I would need a Supporting teaching and learning qualification which would take a year to do.