My son has depression

[dotnetmum]

Just before Christmas I found out that my DS who in second year of university has been diagnosed with depression. It has totally thrown me, I feel similar to when I myself was diagnosed with diabetes. He was a top student and kind. We drove to his place and collected him to come home for Christmas. But now he wants to go back to his student house even though his studies will be suspended until September. He says he wants to be closed to his friends. He has got meds which he is not taking consistently. Otherwise while he is home he seems fine, and he has many ideas about what to do in the next few months, catch-up on studies, learning play guitar, learning to drive etc. Even so I am that worried! I am totally out of my depths about this. Any one has experience with kind of situation?

Firstly he needs to take his meds consistently otherwise he will be getting no benefit from them but getting possible side effects so the worst possible outcome. Has he talked to you about his symptoms? From what you say it sounds like his symptoms are moderate and I wonder who took the decision to suspend his studies.
I think it's good that he wants to go back to his student house as hiding away at home may make him feel worse. Has any counselling been arranged for him? I know there are student counselling services available but from what I've heard these are a bit hit and miss so it's important for him to find a counsellor he likes, do you have the finances to arrange private counselling if need be?
I know him returning to his student house will be a worry for you, is it near enough for you to be able to visit and keep a closer eye on him, albeit while trying not to seem like you are intruding which is a difficult balance to achieve I know.
Sounds like you need to ask him a bit more about what's going on with him but the most important thing is that he has someone he can talk openly to which might not be his family as he may not want to worry you so putting a bit of a face on.

Thanks for your reply. He only just got the meds and I think took them for 2 days and then stopped, because he says it has side effects. I will try to ask him about them again. My biggest worry is how to keep an eye out for him, the uni is 3-4 hours drive away, I can't just drop by and he has never been very good with responding to sms. The suspending of studies apparently was discussed with his tutor, because he has missed many lessons before he was diagnosed, and the tutor says that rather then trying to catch up now like crazy, it is better to start fresh next September, but he says he is going catch up and study in his own time now. It is early days now, when I tried to push him too hard on detail plans for the next few months, he gets all stressed and shuts himself up in his room. He says he has got a counselor already, but I guess we don't know yet if he is good or not. I think you are right about him putting on a brave face with his family though.

He needs to know that the side effects will pass. Maybe suggest he stay at home while he first takes the meds so your around to help with the side effects and then when they pass he can go bk?

Does anyone know of students that have come through their depression and then finished their degree?

Yes my friends son had quite severe depression and got a first although it took him a bit longer to do.
You cannot force him to take his meds but the side effects do go away usually within 2 weeks but if not then the GP can try another.
There is lots of self help for depression on line, Matthew Johnstone The Black Dog would be a good starting point, Mood Juice on line also have great advice, self help such as sleep, exercise, diet, no alcohol etc all help people to return to normal more quickly. It's a really difficult balance for you to be concerned and available but not pushy or intrusive. Let him know he can talk to you anytime and encourage him to be open with at least one friend as depression can be very isolating, but ultimately is very treatable for most people. From what you have said he sounds as if he has a plan so try not to push him too much but let him know that you are there. Good luck

I had depression at uni and did v well. I think the counselling I had at uni was excellent- I had 2 separate periods. The only thing you can do really is encourage him to take the meds despite the side effects and go back to the GP. I can see why he wants to be near his friends etc. Maybe you could just let him know that you're there for him if he changes his mind and wants to come back home for a bit? But I can see why he'd want to stay near friends. I used to do all my reading etc in the holidays so your son planning catch up reading sounds feasible.

Thank you, I feel better to know that he can hopefully get through this and get his life back on course. But right now, he seems to be finding it hard to take the next step. He was supposed to go back to the student house yesterday. He was all packed, but last minute he closed himself in his room and told me to take his sister first. I did that in the end, she lives an hour away and we were supposed to drop her off on the way to taking him to his. By the time I came back, it was too late to go out again. Now I think about he hasn't left the house over the Christmas holiday. He still says he intends to go back, so maybe tomorrow. I am trying to not push him and let him take his time. He says once he gets back he will start taking the meds because he thinks that if he starts on them now, he will sleep so much and not be able to get going.