I'm not ok

[iwasagirlinavillage]

I had a couple of threads last year after my husband cheated on me about the breakdown of our marriage and my very near mental breakdown. I was going to find the thread a few days ago to update that things have been better and me and the girls are doing okay. But only a few days later I'm not okay. I feel like I'm in the pits of despair and for no real reason, or at least for no one reason. There are lots of things going on with the house sale, me and the girls are about to move in to a new place which is a good thing, I'm back at work which is obviously positive and I even joined a dating site. But there are some difficult things going on too - their Dad is in the OWs country at the moment, supposedly just for 3 weeks (we'll see) and DD1 isn't coping at all with his absence and is taking it out on me. I'm suddenly feeling like I actually can't cope living just me and the girls. I'm just not okay and I don't know what to do or where to turn.

Moving house is incredibly stressful even if it's a positive step, which it sounds like. You have obviously made some real progress but change always brings a bit of fear of the unknown even if it's something great.

The other thing is anniversaries of upsetting or even positive things that have happened. To some people like me and maybe you each time a date comes up it's a reminder and everything is harder to cope with. Because the negative things make us upset at the loss and the positive things make us regretful that those times are over. Seems like your break up happened around this time last year.

You are obviously a loving Mother and your ex did something awful. Your DD is comfortable and secure enough with you to take it out on you. I know that's not much of a comfort but she knows you love her which is why she is doing this. My friend is a psychologist and my DS told me he hated me once she said that is a very secure child.

As well as writing on here do you have any friends or family in real life who you can call or meet up with?

The other thing is distraction, what plans do you have for today?

Thank you for replying Peanut.

You're absolutely right about anniversaries. Everything started to go down hill last January and I found out about the cheating in February. On top of that, which I am very aware of, it's DD1s Birthday this month and she was born very premature. I had PTSD following her time in NICU and I always find it a really difficult time leading up to her birthday and I'm already starting to think about that time more and more. As I said my ExH is away in a different country at the moment and, not that I would expect any support from him, it seems really unfair that he's off having fun while I am taking full responsibility of the children (although that's usual) and on top of that I'm having to deal with selling the house and my emotions at this time of year. But to him it's like it never happened.

I've had a couple of bad nights sleep too and I know that isn't helping.

Me and the girls are living with my parents at the moment and have been since I really started struggling last year. They're a fantastic practical support, but not so great emotionally. I said to my mum that I'm struggling a bit this morning and she didn't say anything, when I checked that she had heard me she said "I don't know what you want me to say to you".

I do have some friends and I have told them how low I'm feeling but they all have their own stuff going on. I just want to run away.