Anyone with experience in dealing with dementia and/or paranoia?

[Haybootsandfoals]

My Nan was diagnosed with dementia in her late twenties, I'm aware she takes medication for anxiety, she regularly has bouts of severe depression and she's extremely paranoid which makes her very hostile at times.

The consistent paranoia for the past couple of decades is that she believes 'people' are breaking into her home and stealing her possessions and money that she hides. Sometimes the family are the 'people', sometimes the neighbours are the 'people' and sometimes she's sure it's actually the police who are doing it.

What makes things worse is that she drinks and when she gets drunk she'll move stuff in her house which when she sobers up the next day confirms to her that someone was there last night and moved the cereal box etc.

Recently, she didn't turn up for Christmas dinner at my Mum's house (who lives a 2 minute walk away from her). So we knocked on the door to give her Christmas dinner and presents. She was drunk and she told this elaborate story of how she lost her door keys and couldn't get into her home a week ago and she said she had no one to go to (my Mum lives 2 minutes away). She said she found a man, she didn't know who he is but he helped her get into her house. But now she leaves her back door unlocked 24/7 in case she loses her keys again.

This didn't make any sense because her front door had no damage and the locks hadn't changed. When asked how did the man help her get into her home? - She couldn't answer and would go on other tangents.

I'm terrified at the idea of her leaving her back door unlocked, she has a garden with low walls and it's a high crime area.

I was thinking about getting her CCTV as to ease her paranoia and also as a safety precaution if her back door is unlocked.

Will this help ease her mind OR will it just lead to another issue to be paranoid about I.E she might think we are all spying on her with the cameras. (She's scared of technology, won't use debit cards and doesn't understand the concept of the internet).

Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing?

How old is she now? Was she diagnosed in her twenties? Or is that a typo?

The problem with paranoia and dementia is that there is no logic to it with the person who has dementia. You can't reassure them. My mum was convinced my dad was having an affair with the man across the road. Nothing anyone could say would convince her otherwise. Even pointing out impossibilities in her stories. I suspect cctv would just confuse her more.

I think when it starts to come to her security at home it might be time to think about safer options such as residential care. Maybe not straight away but I think ultimately you will need a plan for this.

The drinking won't be helping. Does she buy it?

No unfortunately it wasn't a typo, she was signed off work in her late twenties and given the diagnosis of dementia. She's late 70's now and she's very mobile. She'll travel to the bank, withdraw money and then head to the shops etc.

I'd love to know more about this early diagnosis as obviously things were very different back then, I wonder how they came to that conclusion and what they said. We both have GP's in the same doctors surgery, I wonder if they would be able to share any information?

That's very sad to hear about your Mum, did she enter residential care? If so, what was the final factor to help make that decision if you don't mind me asking?

It's such a difficult prospect to even think about the idea of her entering residential care as she's very physically mobile, doesn't enjoy meeting new people and her house is like her safe place. But as you mentioned, it would be a good idea to have a plan if things drastically take a turn. I wouldn't even know where to start, I might see if I can speak to my GP and see what they think.

Are you sure it was dementia? I can't imagine anyone being diagnosed and still being independent 50 years later.

Has she got a social care worker? Maybe take her to her GP and explain your concerns, they will also clear up the diagnosis query for you. Good luck.

I'm a support worker for people with dementia, it's actually extremely rare for someone to suffer such a long time, usually it's between 3-6 years before they unfortunately becomes terminally ill.
Would you be able to take her to a GP for a better diagnosis? The GP would also be able to refer you to social services who would do an assessment to deem how much support she is entitled to, they can put you in touch with support groups, set up care contracts (if needed) or just discuss with you how they feel she would be better supported.
At the moment she doesn't sound like she has full mental capacity so they could help appoint one of your family members to assist with her decision making, this is very helpful as if in the future she becomes worse it can be a very blurred line of whether they can make their own decisions if they haven't appointed a next of kin. X hope you get the help and support you need.

Yes my Mum and my aunt say that it was dementia as they had never heard that term before. I was sceptical and wonder if there just wasn't such awareness about personality disorders etc back then and they just used that umbrella term as they could tell something was wrong but they didn't have the knowledge or resources to find out what.

I lived with her for a few months in my late teens and I would over hear her talking to herself in this very gruff voice that was very low and sounded different to her normal voice whilst she rummaged around. I wondered at the time if it was schizophrenia or was it just years of living in solitude that's left her to talk to herself as a comfort.

My Grandad left her for another woman a few years after her diagnoses and her life hasn't progressed since then. She's just spent the last 40 odd years locked in her house. About once or twice a month she'll be happy to have a phone call or a visit but the rest of the time she shuts herself away and believes someone been in her house and other delusions about the people around her. Sometimes it can be more then 4 or 5 months before she will answer the door or the phone and let anyone know she's ok.

@Fabulouslyglamorousferret- I'll book an appointment and see if they can offer any insight into it.

@Donkeypunch88- Thank you, I'll speak to the GP about social services and see if there is any support that can be put in place for her.

Thanks for the advice, I'll update the thread if I get any more information about the diagnosis.

Sorry I fell back to sleep!

It does sound odd that she was diagnosed in her 20s. It may well have been a misdiagnosis. Would she go to the GP with you or your mum or aunt? It might be worth getting her assessed now. And certainly for care and support etc as others have suggested.

My mother did end up in residential care yes. My dad looked after her as long as he could and we were lucky in that she wasn't a wanderer. But she became less mobile and needed more help. They had a career come in to help her shower etc for a couple of years. The only bathroom and toilet was upstairs and she really struggled to get upstairs. She was also hardly eating or drinking. We ended up getting an ambulance one Boxing Day morning as we thought she may have had a stroke. She hadn't but a nurse warned me straight away she would be unlikely to go home. She had a severe urine infection and was suffering from malnutrition. My poor dad had tried everything to get her to eat. Cooked anything she wanted. Made her little bowls for fruit and yoghurt. Made soup. She had always had a small appetite but just wasn't eating enough. Anyway... she was in hospital for five months and then was finally moved to a nursing home. She was in the nursing home for five years and died just over a year ago. At the end she didn't really know us. It's a horrible disease.

I really suspect your nan didn't have dementia as it does usually progress physically as well as the mental side.

Good luck HayBootsandFoals ... you sound a lovely person by the way :)

My nan became very paranoid & delusional with psychosis that was part of what we were told was early dementia- she had to be sectioned for the first time age 91 for her own safety.

After medication she improved greatly mentally, sadly she died of pneumonia last April though.

My mil and her aunt is/was paranoid. My mil is certain that I am a thief who miraculously finds my way through her security system and I stole her bathroom towels and then boasted about it by telling her about the lovely ones that I purchased for my father.???

This kind of thing has been going on for 30 years. She is mean, petty, vindictive and paranoid. Her paranoia was so bad that we had to move away.

There is nothing anyone can do but meds help a little. I worked as a geriatric carer for several years before I met my husband, she is the worst case that I have encountered outside of a facility.

About 15 years ago she began taking paxcil and Xanax. Those helped. Paxcil, according to sil helped more than anything. Sil also said that she has always been like this to some degree. As was her aunt and perhaps mother (gmil).

Aside from paxcil, nothing that was deed or words has made a difference. We live hours away, there is no possible way that I could get into her alarmed home, but facts and logic are do not work.

One thing that I recently (since fil died) realized is that if she accuses me of things, she usually retaliates in kind. She has taken my things, disposed of heirlooms from my own mother and grandmother, she is merciless in her retribution to my imagined evils.

I have chosen to have minimal contact but since she is not damaging to my dc or dh, they see her.

I am sorry if this is more about me than you OP. Meds help and be wary are my two bits of advice. I have no doubt that she would hurt me physically if she was given the opportunity (She will not eat or drink anything from me unless it is from communal dish, family meals are good, herbal tea or foodstuffs in sealed grocer packages.).

I don't mean that she will harm you, but rather they are unpredictable.
MY heart breaks for you and your fami,y. Your mother must be a saint.

I have a good friend in her 80s diagnosed 3 years ago. I can't really talk to her any more bc she get angry bc she can't remember and pushes me to tell her things that she knows that she should know (When we moved, etc). The difference btwn the two women is that my friend was kind before and continues to be kind and loving but with "lost marbles."

If your nan gets worse please consider putting her in care bc it is impossible to care for them at a certain point. Best wishes, you are a good daughter and granddaughter.

(She refuses to eat or drink foodstuffs from factory sealed packages)
I would try to have your mother get control over money, another friend's other is constantly giving money to scams via telephone. They share her number or change their voices. My friend changes phone number all the time. She has given away her lifes savings to depposed princes of Africa, nearly, most home.