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To wish I didn’t compare myself to others so much as it sets off my anxiety and depression

3 replies

NooNooHead · 01/01/2018 23:09

I know that comparison is the thief of joy. Yet here I am, feeling shit and sorry for myself after looking at the kitchen thread in AIBU about how much others have spent on their kitchens. Some posters quoted up to £50k, and the pictures looked utterly beautiful.

I’m not that envious at all... (!) Ok, so I am pretty envious in lots of ways. Looking at the post, I think it had suddenly intensified my feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem and lack of confidence about all the crap in my life. Things like how i’m unemployed at the moment after four months without a job, but still desperately trying to look for work despite being 4 months pregnant. Things like how little as a family we earn, despite my DH and I working hard all our lives. Things like how much my life has changed in the past three years, after a head injury and how i’ve really struggled to recover cognitively etc. And having to deal with things after this such as with a stupid movement disorder, my DB’s death from cancer at a young age last year, losing my job, an ectopic pregnancy and so much more.

Having said this, I am totally grateful for so many things and know how much I am going to sound like I am whinging about nothing here. I know I have a heck of a lot more than so many others who are doing well despite having to rely on food banks, or having no family support, or not even having a home or facing new year alone.

I guess the point of this ramble is that i’m feeling a bit inadequate and needing to vent, and be more positive for the future.

Maybe I need to take stock of things in the new year and try to be more realistic and proactive, and not try to compare myself to the very fortunate few who earn bucketloads, have no health issues or have been more fortunate with careers and fertility etc.

Of course, I realise they too might have suffered a lot of things too, and not everything reflects their true reality.

Right, self-pitying ramble over. Time to get on with 2018 in a more positive way. Hmm

OP posts:
Ouchy · 01/01/2018 23:16

please do not compare yourself to others. You do not know how their circumstances differ to yours. Focus on what you have done well and what you have to be proud of. No doubt you have lots to be proud of in wider terms than just money

NooNooHead · 01/01/2018 23:24

Thank you, @Ouchy, you are right. I know it is pointless to compare myself to others and I think it has been a shortcoming of mine for a long time. It is something I am working on improving alongside being more positive for the future and thinking more mindfully about what I do have to be grateful for.

OP posts:
Snapnchat · 02/01/2018 07:02

I could have written your post OP. I
Compare myself ALL the time. My self esteem is on the floor and I feel completely inadequate. I’m having counselling to help this, it’s early days though.

We both know we shouldn’t do these things, but with low self esteem it’s hard not to.

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