I know that comparison is the thief of joy. Yet here I am, feeling shit and sorry for myself after looking at the kitchen thread in AIBU about how much others have spent on their kitchens. Some posters quoted up to £50k, and the pictures looked utterly beautiful.
I’m not that envious at all... (!) Ok, so I am pretty envious in lots of ways. Looking at the post, I think it had suddenly intensified my feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem and lack of confidence about all the crap in my life. Things like how i’m unemployed at the moment after four months without a job, but still desperately trying to look for work despite being 4 months pregnant. Things like how little as a family we earn, despite my DH and I working hard all our lives. Things like how much my life has changed in the past three years, after a head injury and how i’ve really struggled to recover cognitively etc. And having to deal with things after this such as with a stupid movement disorder, my DB’s death from cancer at a young age last year, losing my job, an ectopic pregnancy and so much more.
Having said this, I am totally grateful for so many things and know how much I am going to sound like I am whinging about nothing here. I know I have a heck of a lot more than so many others who are doing well despite having to rely on food banks, or having no family support, or not even having a home or facing new year alone.
I guess the point of this ramble is that i’m feeling a bit inadequate and needing to vent, and be more positive for the future.
Maybe I need to take stock of things in the new year and try to be more realistic and proactive, and not try to compare myself to the very fortunate few who earn bucketloads, have no health issues or have been more fortunate with careers and fertility etc.
Of course, I realise they too might have suffered a lot of things too, and not everything reflects their true reality.
Right, self-pitying ramble over. Time to get on with 2018 in a more positive way. 