To be annoyed that no one asked me how I am doing.

[fattyandbatty]

I have suffered from mental health problems for over 10 years and the past 2-3years have been quite difficult for me.

Last Boxing Day I had a major panic about going out so I never got to see any family. When my sister rang I told her I didn't want to leave the house. She was annoyed and I hung up on her. In fact I did not see anybody I knew (face to face) for about 3 weeks. My sister didn't bother contacting me until mid January and that was because she wanted to borrow money.

We have continued to talk but she never rings me unless she needs money and she has never asked me how I am doing. I feel that when I ring her I am annoying her and I do mention if things are going on, such as major problems with NHS staff. I don't really talk to my parents and only see them when my sister comes up as takes me to theirs. However, they are always talking to my sister.

This year I am trying to do things and because my weight was a big problem I decided to try and do something about it. I have lost a number of stones in weight, which is hard for anyone, especially for someone with any kind of health problems. I have gone down at least 5 dress sizes, which give an indication of how much I have lost.

My sister (who lives miles away) came up and we went to parents house. My sister never mentioned how I looked or how much I lost, she did know I have told her. Also I walked in to parents house and not one person mentioned that I lost weight, what was more annoying is that no one asked how I was doing. There was 6 people there! The closest it came was my sisters partner did say I was looking well, as the last time I was really miserable. I have depression, I get moody and miserable. . I would not have been a total arsehole and gone on about my problems, as I know it would have dampened the mood.

I know its a petty little thing and I gone through phrases of, fuck them I show them and then being really depressed about the whole day. But one thing I do know is that they don't care about me, unless I am lending them money or buying things for them.

Has anyone else disconnected from family because of their attitude towards you and your health problems?

Happy Christmas. Your family sound a bit random like most families are. Well done for the weight loss, that is a huge accomplishment especially if you are going through so much other stuff. Do it for yourself because you are worth the effort and don't let other people's opinions affect you because you are better than that.

I don't blame you for being hurt and upset - anyone would be.
You are looking for validation from your family and indications through their behaviour that they care about you and love you.
However it's as if they are deliberately witholding. This is a subtle form of control because they are making you feel invisible and worthless. But you are "good enough" to use for money.
Maybe do some research on toxic families and scapegoat/golden child.
It's not you OP - it's them.
Try to find people who will make you feel good and respect you as a person.
They are horrible and will eat away at your self esteem and self worth.
Sadly we can't choose our families.
Well done on your weight loss. That is a real achievement and takes strength and will power!

Thanks for the replies. I have looked up toxic people and was quite surprised to see not just family but my friends come under that too. I have deleted all my toxics from my phone. I don't need people who don't accept who I am and that including my bad points that stems from my depression. I have no choice to live with my illness but I have a choice who I talk to.

As for surrounding myself with positive people, that's going to be a problem. Most of my friends have mental health problems as the friends I had left me when I was poorly. I honestly don't blame them, I didn't understand what was happening to me so they didn't either.
I been pushed about and bullied for so long I don't know who I am anymore. Hopefully this is the first step of many to get me back to health both physically and mentally. I know it is going to be a struggle but at least I am trying. X

That is bloody impressive weight loss - well done! I struggle to lose a few pounds, never mind several stone!

Well done for losing all that weight. It’s a fabulous achievement.

Families can be tossers tbh. If they’re not even going to mention how well you’ve done then yes they’re a miserable bunch. Maybe the resolution for the new year is to go out and meet people and build friendships to give you what you’re missing from your family.

I have a mental illness and have found women’s groups and other local social groups like choirs etc are what keep me together 😊

As for your sister. Say no to the money.

Well done on weight loss. I have mental health issues, not helped by DickHH who believes if you can't see it it doesn't exist. I hate DHB and SIL. It took me too many years to admit this to myself, because I thought if you were blood related, you naturally loved each other. I feel much better not having to see them. Think about your family, and what they bring to your life, if it's nothing but anger and stress, dump them, you really don't need them.