I feel like I'm worthless

[Gigimoll]

To start off, please don't get the wrong Idea. I love my children dearly. My dd is 8 months and I accidentally fell pregnant with my ds when she was 2 months old. I'm 6 months pregnant now. They are my life.
So after her birth I had ppd mainly due to people not leaving me alone and said people (family) threatening to report me for how untidy my home was. So her early days were spent me cleaning. Not with her as I was so worried. Said people came over uninvited and wouldn't leave. I've suffered depression and severe ptsd in the past.
So recently I'm in a bit of debt from my partner. He then lost his job. I work part time and because this house is my dad's home, I'm a private Tennant. I get hardly any help financially. Then I have this debt to shift. With Christmas i put all the money I had given to me and for my daughter in my bank just to try and scrape by. All my loved possessions are on ebay. I've gotten rid of everything just to help me clear the debt and keep a roof over my daughter.
Family have done nothing but yell at me for months to buy myself something because 'I matter too' I don't. I'm desperate for a new bra but I can't bring myself to buy one. I don't deserve it. I could buy my children something. My partner just seems to have everything he wants. He doesn't go without either.
I'm just broken. I've had to sell all my loved jewellery. My brother committed suicide in 2015 and I've had to secretly sell his expensive watch. My engagement ring has gone and he refuses to buy me another when we're in a better position. I can't live. My partner can't seem to get a job. I'm stuck. Literally stuck. The house is being put on the market and I'm loosing my home. I don't even know who to turn to anymore.
I look at old photos where I'm happy and I mourn that happiness. My kids are my happiness. But right now, my ds would be better up up for adoption as much as that will kill me and my daughter deserves so much better than me. I just wish I could give them everything.
I'm not pleading poverty. I just want to know I'm not alone feeling this worthless. Feeling like I don't matter and feeling so fed up.

Gosh, I’m so sorry you feel that way . Could you perhaps talk to your HV or GP about how you feel? I’d also contact a debt charity for advice about maybe reducing payments so it more manageable for you.
Things can change.

Thins are horribly and unfairly tough. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of keeping it all going - you must be pretty amazing.

I agree that talking to a debt advice agency is really important. Make that your first job (or your partner’s - not all the jobs are yours to do here).

I also hope that you can get yourself something that you need. Babies need rather little (they need you!), you DO need things sometimes, so don’t do without. Really.

Do you have some good friends you can spend time with? Just at yours, sharing a pizza or something? It sounds like you could really do with some good friends around right now.

oh my god. please dont think that. your daughter will always want you around. life will never be better without you. dont even think it. if you want to talk, im here. ive never joined anything like this before but im glad i have now. stay strong babe xx

are you ok?

Thank you all ♥ I tried talking to debt people and benefits and because of my situation being he house being my dad's, my partner being unemployed and me working only 16 hours, I get no help whatsoever. Not enough anyway. I get child benefit for my daughter but that goes on formula etc or whatever little I can else afford for her to make her happy or to put towards my baby boy. I tried meeting with friends but I just can't do it. I'm too anxious too. It's like I've gone into a shell and I can't get my way out of it. I couldn't even deal with family over Christmas. Even my mom now. I'm going to call in tomorrow and see my doctor. I need this sorted. I can't give my boy up. I need my mental health sorted to be a good mom and hopefully I can make my hours up. I'm just so broken.

Sometimes you can claim housing benefit if you rent from family. I would link but I have awful signal! Try shelter and the gov website. Also the RLA website. Also some money advice places are not helpful. I know a few people who have been given terrible advice. Do you have a local money advice place?

everything seems like its getting on top of you. take a deep breath and try to calm down. you should go to the doctor and have a chat, but dont take pills straight away. they could do more harm than good. how old is your daughter? ive got loads of stuff here that ill gladly give you if you want. you'll be sweet babe. dont worry xx

Citizens advice but after 4 hours of waiting I was told to phone up. I did and was basically told I couldn't get any sort of help. I swear if you don't work you can live easy but you're damned if you do work in this country 😔 it doesn't help my partner put me Into debt for a damn xbox and he's now demanding his Xmas money back that I took to pay a few bills. He's really getting me down on top of things. My daughter is 8 months. She has everything but I always think she needs more. One reply was right. They need love not possessions but I think I always go to buy to please. She doesn't need or want anything though. Thank you so much though, that's such a lovely thought ♥

you're obviously right, its love not possessions. but i thought id offer cos sometimes you just need practical things. im still here if you need to chat. xx