What does support look like to you?

[GerddwrEryri]

Sometimes I feel that DP is not being supportive of my MH. He asked me today, "what would support look like to you?" And I couldn't answer him. I don't think I've ever had anyone be truly supportive. My ex always had the view that support was rewarded with sex (ugh). I dont know what real support would look like to me.

If you have somebody (or somebodies) who is supportive in your life, what does that support look like.

I think what support means depends on what you need at the time, so is a bit of a moveable feast!

When I was physically ill during pregnancy, support was tiny things like my friend automatically getting dc1 in and out of chairs, rather than waiting for me to ask/seeing me struggle.

When I was feeling stressed due to awful work situation, support varied from dh giving me a hug and listening to me done on about it forever, to a colleague quietly leaving a chocolate bar on my desk and saying "don't let the fuckers get to you"

I guess for me it's people showing they care. They don't need to fix anything, just be a cheerleader is enough sometimes.

What support do you think might help you op?

To me it’s someone listening and understanding without judgement. My GP did that for me, she was the first person who had and the relief was overwhelming.

Unconditional acceptance

I think giving me a hug instead of saying "do you want a hug". Often I really need a hug but I feel completely unworthy so if asked I'll say no as I don't feel I deserve it. I'm trying to work on that issue but in the meantime I feel I'd find it helpful if sometimes DP could just give me a hug instead of asking. But he says that's him forcing himself upon me and not respecting me.

I don't know what else would help. I think allowing me to vent without feeling the need to do anything about it.

It's possible you give off the 'I'm unworthy' energy and people feel your barrier? Could you initiate the hugs to start with?